snack-a-lack-a

I'm not sure what snack-a-lack-a means. But, it's my latest word. I say it every day at least 50 times. It is a noun, verb, adjective, and expletive and it pretty much says it all. I finally got around to locating the pictures we took last weekend of Zola Jane having a sand picnic at the beach. We forgot to tell her that just because it exists doesn't mean you can digest it. She thought it was so tasty, though. She came back for seconds and thirds.

I can relate because I just had some fast food sushi for dinner.

We can now push her around in a new stroller! Thanks Mom & Dad! This stroller looks pretty average, but we test drove a lot of different strollers and this one has the best of everything. We surprised ourself, because it's a little bigger than I thought we would like. But Zola spends about a quarter of her life being strolled around, so we thought, "what the heck."

Plans for this weekend? Maybe I'll go for a long walk.

matrimony

I went to Utah for a long weekend to attend DJ's beautiful wedding. It was a quick trip, but I really enjoyed it and Zola Jane got buried in attention from all her Cousins and Aunts/Uncles. I started calling Roger her "Dad away from Dad" because he is definitely her favorite person in Utah (no offense to everyone else... it's just a fact. Ha ha.)

Zola Jane got her pictures taken with Jailyn, her cousin who was due on the same day but born three weeks or so apart. It was so interesting to see how much different the two girls are... and look at all of Jailyn's hair! How wonderful. She is also much taller than ZJ.




How did this cute one taken at home get in here? Oh, because it's so cute who can resist. She's grabbing at those feet constantly. And so am I. They're irresistible.


Marilyn looked lovely. She had little strands of golden tinsel sparkling in her side-swept hair and a contagious smile all day. The evening before the wedding we got to hang at her bachelorette party where we dipped strawberries into a chocolate fondue fountain and talked about how exhausted we all were. What work weddings are!


I hijacked the rings for a few shots with their beautiful cake. I just loved the figurines. Such a fun touch to the fireman theme.



The cousin in the middle is Wyatt. He is a few months older than the girls.

spring traditions

We were thinking of celebrating Easter this year. It's the sort of holiday that is funner when you are a kid and can hunt for eggs, over-indulge in candy without guilt, and someone else does all the cooking and egg-deviling and cleaning up after.

Instead, we just decided to make a big breakfast and spend some time together as a family. It was enough. No ham, mashed potatoes, and homemade rolls... but no grocery trip, piles of dishes, and hours over the stove, either.

Happy whatever-you-celebrate for Spring.

kaleidoscope

I can't believe our yum-yum is 5 months old this week. I am pretty much out of the "transitional" stage at work and am trying to carry my weight. I feel very pulled in lots of directions. A few things are falling to the gutter. But, baby is awesome. She just keeps growing and changing like a kaleidoscope. Speaking of carrying my weight (ha ha) hefting the baby caused me to throw out my back. I'm taking it easy with lifting and bending while it heals. But, it really speaks to how fast she is growing.

Our kitty, Kazi, is making a slow recovery. He's still timid, weak, and without much appetite. But, he got his stitches out, his incision has mostly healed over, and he comes out of his scaredy-cat hidey place and chases Akira from time to time. Akira is trying to make a power play for alpha cat while he's down and out and he still has enough salt to shake at her. His blood work seems to imply that no permanent damage was done to his organs and there is no reason why he can't fully get back to normal. He did lose 20% of his body weight, and has to try to recover his muscle and strength on a restricted low-fat diet. I did finally realize the benefit of premium food. His diet of crappy, cheap cat food probably caused his pancreatitis.

I am excited to be going to Utah in 8 days for DJ and Marilyn's wedding. I am probably not as excited as they are, but still... yum-yum and I are going to be able to see and be seen.

map

no rest for mama

I know all of the internet is holding his or her breath waiting desperately for news about how my cat is doing. That's just how Kazi rolls.

I picked him up from the hospital Tuesday night and he has since eaten a little and used the potty... both signs that he is improving. He's still really weak, he lost A LOT of weight while he was sick and he looks like a supermodel. He mainly hangs out in bed, where we wait on him hand and foot, delivering special food or chicken broth (warmed, of course) antibiotics, and love. His incision is healing well, and it looks like he will get his stitches out on Wednesday. He'll be fine eventually, but right now, he sort of looks like he just had exploratory surgery. (Oh, right... he did.)

In other parts of life, I decided not to wait until Zola is 18 and I have stacks of stories and photos piling up in her blog and no time to compile them... so each weekend, I have been using the software from Blurb to create the layouts. That way, when the book is full, I can just upload it and order the hardbound copy online. It is already shaping up to be very cute!

Also, the quest for babysitting help is shaping up. Maybe I will be talking about the break we are getting from having help soon.

pain-crea-us titus

So last night kazi started throwing up like crazy and foaming at the mouth, so I took him to the emergency room. They did a bunch of tests and found that he had a mass of gas in his upper intestines that indicated that nothing was moving through his system. This is really life threatening to cats.

The ER doctors thought that he might have swallowed a foreign object and recommended surgery that would have us out the door at over $6,000, without which he would need to be euthanized. We didn't really want to spend that much, since Kazi is a pretty old cat and doesn't have a long time left anyway. So we just took him home.

This morning, I called his regular vet and she said she would do his surgery for a fraction of the amount the ER quoted. So, I took him in. She did some x-rays to try to rule out an obstruction and found that his bowels were not passing anything through, so he went into surgery at 3:00 pm. She cut him open and found that his pancreas was swollen gignormous and was the cause of his intestines being blocked so she just sewed him back up without doing anything else and started a treatment for pancreaitis. He'll be in the hospital for a few days with an IV for fluids and medicine. His prognosis is still hard to guess. He had a pretty advanced and critical case so it may have done some permanent damage to his other organs. Or he could be perfectly fine once things get moving again.

For now, we are just hoping that he gets well. He's been a member of our family for 13 years and has been a force of love and companionship in our lives. I know that he has changed anti-cat people's opinions about cats by being awesome.

I was just saying (a few weeks ago) that we should get him pet health insurance since he is getting older. Well played, life. Well played.

Hip hippos baby booties

Hip hippos baby booties
Originally uploaded by Jennifer Ladd handmade.

omg.

quick

We drove to Arizona for a day to see Jennifer graduate with her class at Pima Medical Institute. CONGRATS, JENNIFER!!! We are so proud of her hard work and accomplishment. She got an unexpected special recognition for honors.

I also had to throw in some pics of the baby -- she looked so cute all dressed up for the event. Plus, that 70's jacket is new. LOVE.

pioneering

As these first-time mom magic moments slip through my fingers, I realize that a few things are important: images and stories. You would think a scrapbooker would be an expert at storing these precious things away. But, I can't keep up with the diapers, nuzzling, AND the scrapbooking (who can?) So my temporary solution is to toss them down a hole and get back to them later. I am investing in photography equipment and taking as many high quality photos as I can as often as I can remember to pick up the camera. And I started a blog just for ZJ where I will tell the stories that I want to remember - with the idea that someday, I will slurp the blog and slap in the photos and publish it bound instead of trying to physically scrapbook it all myself. That way, she has a little journal of her baby stories - and so do I.... without consuming the effort that I could be using to love and hug and kiss her sweetness out of her.

If you are interested in the stories, her blog is here.

moouaah!

Kisses to everyone this valentine's day. We don't really celebrate it. We go on a date, just like we do every week. Nothing crazy. No chocolates, flowers or special gifts. Our motto is "you don't need to do something one day a year if you are spreading it out through the whole year long."

It's been another busy weekend. Didn't realize that going back to work was going to mean so much household chaos on the weekends. Taxes, getting everything set for the week and doing damage control on all the stuff that got behind last week. I wore my little toad out playing peek-a-boo instead of maintaining the kitchen. Nothing is growing in there yet, so who cares. Being a full-time mom & a full-time pay-worker is quite a lot of tightrope walking. Dad's been stepping up a lot, but you know how that is. Dads don't always know that certain tasks even exist...

I took Z to JCPenney for her 3-month old photo sitting. She was SOOOO cute. I can't wait to share the images, but I didn't buy the thumbnails this time. You'll have to wait like I do. But, it will be worth it, Internet. Well worth it.

more pics

New pics up on flickr. I basically just pulled all the pics off my mobile today. I had already posted some of them on FB, but here you go anyway. I'm pretty impressed with the quality of my mobile camera sometimes. Happy Valentines' Day.

Oh, and google "Divorce Cakes."

lights

Stephanie's picture of Zoe from our trip to AZ makes me realize how amazing things are with a baby. Time feels like it literally freezes and simultaneously whizzes by -- and is tracked not by the clock, but by the little things zoe learns each day.

All babies love lights, and Zoe is no exception -- the Christmas tree drew this to our attention. So we took her to the Mesa LDS Temple to see the display one night, and the Phoenix Zoo-Lights display another. It was so fun to watch her captivated by the stuff. A few days after we returned to LA, at her 2 month doctors appt, her dr noticed that her neck was stiff and that she did not like to turn her face to the right... so when I got home, I dug out a strand of Christmas lights and hung them to the right of her swing. Sure enough, she looks right when they are plugged in.

She and I have been going on LONG walks every other day in the evening. She loves to see the street lights and car lights and it wears her out until she drifts off for a nap in my sling. I walk about 2 miles. I just Google-Mapped my distance. I thought it would be more :(

I hope to keep it up. I start back at work on Monday.

Oh, and me and my Legendary Husband are going out on a date Monday night with Scott to see Do-Make-Say-Think and have a sitter. Woot!

side-by-side with Marissa

Eva sent me a pic of her daughter Marissa and I asked myself... when did Zoe where THAT shirt? Oh, it's not her. Ha ha. Apparently Zoe gets her features from Eva and her husband Roger... how did THAT happen?

facebook makes blog obsolete

I hardly ever post here, because -- well... the title kind of says it all. I don't know if anyone reads this anymore. I have my doubts because I got a lot of haranguing about not showing and pictures of myself pregnant (which I did not share with the more public facebook crowd) that were readily available here.

Just in case I have internet audience that does not follow facebook, this is what has been going down since Mr. Walker Texas Ranger came around: burping, feeding, diapering, cleaning up messes that seem to appear out of nowhere due to too little space and too much baby gear, and the oft sought 3 hour nap.... repeat. My life feels a little monotone. Seriously. Kudos to you SHM's for your ability to thrive in this environment. Me? I need to go to work. I absolutely LOVE the hour or so that Zoe sleeps in my arms every day. And the fact that no one can soothe her better than me. However, the flip side of that is that I am the only one that can soothe her....

As we speak, I am taking a "day off" -- which means several contiguous hours of not being on call. I am on my second glass of wine. It took my one and a half hours to drink the first because the baby got too fussy for daddy to handle and it broke my heart, so I came out of retirement to help.

But back to small breaks in the monotony in the last couple of weeks... I have this plan to have Zoe's portait taken every month for her first year. The pictures above are for month 2. I need to invest about $100 and have a couple more professional shoots in order to be able to do the photography myself. (I watch what they do and get a pretty good idea of how to pose and set up the shots -- and Mark already has most of the equipment I need.)

May I recommend "Gran Torino" to anyone who has not watched it. I stayed away because I don't like car movies. It is NOT a car movie. Don't stay away. It is definitely going to win some oscars. (Mark just told me it was from last year and went up for best picture but didn't win... it got ROBBED!)

I am reading "Girlfriends Guide to Surviving the First Year of Motherhood" by Vicki Iovine. Very funny. I read it before Zoe was born and it really freaked me out; this was the most scary moment being pregnant. There are some things you just should not know before the baby is born that are easier to deal with when you are holding such a precious and amazing person in your arms -- but are insane to contemplate when you aren't. Now it is just seriously hilarious. So many things she says are just weirdly true. Like, how does she know that I only hold the baby up against my shoulder on the left side? I seriously CAN'T hold her on the right. I tried. It's not possible. Apparently that is universally true of all women. Who knew?

Anyhoo -- here we are. Our kiddo is 10 weeks old! I go back to work in two more weeks. Time really does fly.

dig this random post

Chuck Norris: Putting the laughter in manslaughter since 1973.

4 or 13 depending on how you look at it

The Man and I celebrate our many years together today -- with a big date. We got concert tickets (Zero 7 @ The Orpheum!), a babysitter (I <3 Ami), and off we go to enjoy (Dr. Sears says I can have a glass of wine!). I am very much looking forward to it. I thought I would not be excited to leave Zoe for a few hours, but I am so sleep-deprived and house-worn that I am looking forward to the break and reconnect with my lovie.



I have some very sad news that might be hard for some of you. So, sit down and grab a box of Kleenex. Our computer, Zero has passed on to the other realm. We were just browsing together the other day when he his chip just stopped. I tried to revive him, but his soul left in a pouf of smoke. We will miss him. It is never a good time to lose such a vital member of one's family. He was over 80 years old in computer years and had a good drive and just RAM out of juice. Funeral Services will be held Friday. We will cherish the back-up memories.

bow tie

Stephanie sent me this picture comparing her mom's features as a baby to Zoe's. We are always postulating which features come from which genetic pool. Since her size comes from The Man's side for sure, it is not a surprise that we all think that there are more features that do... in particular the bow tie shaped lips.

Although for the record, The Man says that all babies look alike.

slideshow pics of z under 1 month

pics of z

After going back over some of these pictures, I can really tell how much our tiny person has grown. These are almost all from her first week of life. Her hands used to be wrinkly. How cute!

birth story -- part 2 (of 2)

We took a little nap and relaxed watching Criminal Minds to pass the time while I labored under epidural. By midnight, I was dialated to 10 cm and fully effaced... so we thought a few more hours and we would have the baby... we were all so excited. I think the nurse was really annoyed with our "how much longer?" and "is the doctor coming now?" questions.

Waiting, waiting, waiting for what felt like forever. Finally, the nurse told us at 5:00 AM that Dr. Dwight was in the hospital to deliver another baby and would stop by to see how we were doing, and if possible deliver us at the same time.

When he arrived at 5:15 AM, he instructed Eva and Mark to each grab a foot and lean my legs into my chest while I tried to push a few times on each contraction. We get this effort started under the oversight of the nurses. At this point, I am using a little trigger that came with my epidural that upped the dose a little bit on command. It was not quite doing the full job of blocking the pressure. As time wore on with the pushing, it stopped working altogether... right when I needed it most. They said they couldn't give me any more. Sort of gives me the opportunity to see what a natural childbirth is like if you take a break from it in the middle.

From Eva's experience, the pushing part lasted about 15 minutes. Ha ha ha. Without the benefit of epidural anymore, I withdraw to my own universe in my head and all I know is push during contractions and relax fully when not in contractions. I lose track of time, who is in the room, what is going on around me, and even that there will be a baby at the end. All I know is pushing - or resting for energy to push. This was VERY hard work - I was pushing through the count of 10 three or four times per contraction, depending on the strength of the contraction, and then resting for sometimes less than a minute before going again.

I had asked Eva and Mark to give me some cheerleading like, "push, come on, you're doing great, keep going, push-push-push." We were hoping to have the baby at 8:07 AM -- so I could have 11/10/09 - 08:07 numerical significance. By 8:05, Eva sees the clock and starts coaching like she is on hyperdrive: "push-push-push-push-push-push-push-push-push-push-push-push-push" until I kick her in the shoulder and yell "NOT SO MUCH!" My inner dialogue was more like, "I appreciate your enthusiasm, but could you please give me NOT SO MUCH!" Still, I hope I didn't hurt her feelings (or her shoulder.) 8:07 AM came and went, and I still had a long way to go.

They had me try pushing sitting up and then going to my side - difficult because I still can't use my legs or abs due to remnant epidural. I had such a strong urge to push at this point that I couldn't have stopped if they forced me to. We returned to back-lying pushing with Eva and Mark helping. -- Oh, and Mark wanted to be behind my shoulder with the non-gory view of the whole thing.... But he was down on the business end and had to let me know if my pushes were effective or not. He was the first (besides the nurse) who got to see Zoe's shock of dark, long hair. He said he was really glad to have that view and to be a part of the whole thing.

Somewhere along the line, and I was sort of aware of it, this thing became an emergency situation. More nurses came and went, the doctor, who was dropping in periodically before was staying more often -- and called in another doctor to assist. Tables of surgical equipment were wheeled in "just in case" and more and more nurses... Eva said at one point there were six nurses helping the two doctors. I'm just in my own world, pushing or relaxing... focusing on what I can do and less what is going on around me.

People were shouting, "This is IT!" I could tell there was some scrambling. Stuff being moved out of the way and other stuff being brought in. They took off my hospital gown so I was totally naked except for the belly band holding the monitors in place. I heard someone say "in case of Shoulder Dystocia" when they introduced me to the other doctor. I can feel Zoe. Well, I'd been feeling her for a while, but I could definitely tell that she was getting close to crowning. I could REALLY feel her. I reached down and touched her head to give me some motivation to do what had to be done -- and I pushed. And pushed and pushed. Dr Dwight told me he needed to give me an episiotomy to help her come out. Just get her out of me. I was losing it a little bit. I didn't care if he cut my legs off if it would help end this.

He only had a few seconds between contractions to make the cut. I could feel the sting of the scissors and then the next contraction hit hard. Mona, you only have a few more pushes and the baby is going to come out, okay? So don't stop pushing... keep going even when the contraction ends. Try not to take a breath unless you need it. Push hard. It is no wonder that I didn't pass out. I didn't breath for a long time. I just pushed until I could push no longer and it felt like a terrible place to stop... Her head was delivered but her body wasn't. At least I could believe them when they said, "Just one more contraction and you'll have a baby."

9:57 AM

And there she was.

They threw her on my stomach and I looked down into my daughters eyes. She was magnificent. I had forgotten about her in all the hustle and flow.... and there she was. She gurgled and complained when they wiped her down and again when they suctioned her mouth. But mostly she lay quietly on my stomach, blinking thoughtfully at me, glancing around the room curiously.
Mark pulled out the camera and took a quick video of her first quiet moments: getting acquainted with us while the nurses did some quick checks of her and I. Dr Dwight was stitching me up at the time and then delivering the placenta. I hardly noticed all this because of the beautiful distraction laying before me. The nurses did not disturb our chance to bond for our first hour together. I took Zoe to the breast within about 15 minutes and she sucked pretty well right away. When we finally let the nurses take her to be weighed, measured and examined more fully, she weighed 9 lbs 9 oz and was 21 inches long. A big little girl. Our baby was finally here.

Just in time for Thanksgiving.

I am thankful for Dr. Dwight -- for letting me labor so hard for so long to have the baby without surgery. Surely another doctor would have given up on me sooner.

I am thankful for Eva -- for giving up more than a month with her family, Marissa's first lost tooth, Halloween, and so much more... to be with me during those moments, encouraging me "push-push-push" and then for tromping up at 3AM to burp and change the baby for me so I could go back to sleep. Without her, this would have been SO MUCH HARDER!

I am thankful for Mark -- for becoming a parent with me, for holding my leg and giving me ice chips on command, and for collaboration on the many, many challenges to come.

I am thankful for Mom -- for now I fully understand what you have given and the fullness of a mother's love.

17 hours of hard labor.
5 hours pre-epidural.
5 hours pushing.
1 unforgettable day: priceless.

Actually, I am pretty sure I will be getting a bill. But you know what I mean.

I have been holding posting this until I have a chance to go through pictures, but better something than nothing. So, I will post more pictures later.

birth story -- part 1

This picture was taken just a few hours after she was born.
And this picture was taken the day we came home from the hospital.
At about 5:30 AM on Mon Nov 9, I started having nice even contractions that were tolerable but significantly different from the Braxton-Hicks ones I had been having. I am excited because we had an appointment for a scheduled induction for that evening at 10 PM and I really wanted to avoid inducing if possible and was agonizing over keeping the appointment or rescheduling it to give Zoe some extra time to start things on her own.

My first thought? We should go out to breakfast. Today might be a big day and we will need to fuel up... so off to Charlies, my favorite little diner in the Farmers Market for pancakes and hashbrowns. I had an appointment with my OB at 9:45 AM - from now on I am going to call him Dr. Awesome. Anyway, Dr. Awesome tells me that I should keep the appointment since it helps labor and delivery to know I am coming, since I AM definitely going to the hospital today. I am dialated to 3 cm. Mark goes to sleep so he can be rested for the big event and Eva and I promise to wake him up with plenty of time to shower and get bags ready before we have to go to the hospital.

By noon, my contractions are every 1/2 hour and Eva and I are walking up and down my streets trying to get things going a little faster so that we aren't going too slow by 10. For the most part, I can keep walking when a contraction hits, albeit slower and more steadily. By 3 PM, I have to stop walking and hold onto Eva's shoulder and contractions are 15 minutes apart.

We have worked out a system where I rate the pain on the contraction as C for comfortable, B for better and A for ahhhhouch. We both realized we might need something after that... At 5:53 PM I was sitting in my rocking chair with my shiatsu chair topper and a heat pack so relaxed that I was almost asleep when the biggest contraction so far hit. Maybe it was the context, but it was unbearable. That's when I uttered the first of only TWO cuss words during the whole labor & delivery. (I know, amazing right?) I walked directly into the computer and told Eva, "Blankety-Blank-Blank -- I'm getting the epidural." And I threw out my entire birth "plan" just like that. After that, it was very hard to figure out what position, technique, and rythm was going to help me cope. I did eventually settle in to taking loud, long breaths and tapping something (my leg, face, object nearby). When I became so demanding of Eva's support that contractions became hard to time, we woke Mark up. I'm guessing they were 5 minutes apart or less for about 1/2 hour. We called the doctor, who said, "go have your baby."

The drive to the hospital was not too bad. Just knowing that we were going made the contractions easier to cope with. When we got there, everything changed.

It took over an hour for "Mean Nurse" to check us into the hospital, botch an IV several times (during contractions), and hook us up to all the gear and monitors. When she checked my cervix, I was still dialated to 3 cm! All that work and nothing was different. I couldn't believe it. So, when they asked me whether I wanted my epidural now or later, I said "now." Thinking it would be a long while to dialate the rest of the way and I was coping okay, but just barely. It took another hour for the epidural to be administered. The nurse checked me right after they got the thing in and I was already at 6 cm. Wow! If I had known it was that close to fully dialated, I probably would have declined and said, "I got this far, I can do it without." Boy am I glad they checked after. I needed, needed, needed that rest to prepare for what was to come. The instant the medicine hit my spine -- I smiled and thought "I'm going to be able to enjoy having the baby today." I know this exactly because I actually wrote down my thoughts... I'm so glad I did because that really cracked me up later to read. Ahhhh, to be so naive now.

.... to be continued.

look what i made

You may have already heard the news...

Zola Jane McCowen was born on Wednesday, Nov 10, 2009 at 9:57 a.m. weighing in at 9 lbs. 9 oz and 21 inches long. I will share a detailed birth story a little later on, but the short version is that it was very intense, long, and at times scary. Due to her size, it was a very close call on emergency cesearean, but I chose my doctor and labor companions well. I did opt for an epidural, but due to laboring for such a long time, it wore off almost entirely hours before she was born, so I still got to realize the emotional experience of something like natural childbirth. We gave her the name Zola after my grandmother on my mom's side, who I enjoyed corresponding by mail weekly with ever since I learned to write and until she passed. We will call her Zoe, pronounced with a hard "o" and hard "e" like Joey.


First of all, she and I are both recovering well. She tolerated the labor exceptionally well and just came out of the ordeal with some expected bruising and coning on her head - which is almost all gone now. She looks like she's a few weeks old instead of a newborn, with tons of hair, great pale skin, and nice proportions. From most angles she is really pretty (of course I think that.) My recovery is also going well. I feel like I just gave birth to a nearly 10 pound baby, but other than that, I'm doing pretty good. We were released from the hospital today around noon and have settled in at home pretty well. I even wrapped her up in a sling and went for a walk for a few blocks between feedings this evening.

We are getting to know her quirks and personality. I love her cry, which she doesn't use often so far. It's a little husky/raspy and she sounds like she could grow to have an amazing singing voice. She is really mild tempered so far. She doesn't like to have her diaper changed and she doesn't like to lay flat/still (but who would after being accustomed to being bounced around in the equivalent of a clothes washer for 10 months.) She loves hanging in a sling while I (or Eva) goes about our things. She is also a quick learner with breastfeeding and she definitely gets her appetite from me.

As much as I can see myself and Christensen traits in her face, I see much more McCowen. I think she gets a lot genetically from her dad. When I dig them out, I will post some side-by-side baby pics of Mark, Me and Zoe for some comparison.

This has been such a remarkable and emotional few days that are seriously and completely impressed forever into my memory and my heart. To quote The Man: "I can't stop looking at my daughter."

more pics