√2: Life is Irrational

jolly days

2011-12-29T07:55:00.002-07:00

Viola pulled herself up to sitting! She was so proud of herself the first time she did it. And now she is doing it all the time. I just think about her journey through gross motor skills development and it is so much funnier than Zola, who was just happy to sit in one place until someone brought her something to eat. Viola on the other hand has been constantly a wandering soul, whatever it takes. As soon as she figured out how to roll front to back and back to front, she was looking over her shoulder at what she wanted and starting to roll to it. And like those robot vacuums and remote control cars, she would get jammed between chair legs and walls, or ram something she didn't see too hard and it would end badly. But that never stopped her. Then she figured out that the push-up inched her backward a little. So, she'd look back behind herself to orient and start chugging off backward. As soon as she could add the toe-push and go forward like an army man under razor wire, she was unstoppable. Like a snake, she could edge along head-on. Just in the last couple of weeks, she has mastered her leg movement and is doing a lot of yoga now... downward facing dog and cat pose. Pretty soon, she is going to figure out the stepping motions for utility and the rug-burned calluses on her knees and elbows might reduce. But, it hardly matters. I clocked her crossing the room in 5 seconds yesterday.

She and Zola have figured out how to interact. They like to lay on the floor and climb on one another. Viola gets up on Zola's tummy (with a spotter) and they tickle each other. They play patty cake, hand each other toys, and sometimes Zola plays "mommy" and takes care of Viola... or lets mom &/or dad know if baby needs a diaper.

Zola's language skills are through the roof and everyday she surprises us with what she knows and can repeat. She can do three syllable words. Her favorite things are elephants, kisses, going to the gym childcare (she knows the building so we have to avoid that street when we aren't going there or she will cry), swinging, cooking (helping mom make dinner or pretending in her new play kitchen), books, and pushing carts/strollers. Her favorite foods are milk, cheese, eggs, and meat (deli slices, pepperoni, but not chunks of chicken or beef unless it is chopped up fine and has taco seasoning.) She loves chips with salsa and spicy food. She can drink from a glass, although she still wants her milk in a sippy cup when she is tired. And she can feed herself with a spoon and fork (but prefers to eat with her fingers for convenience.) She's not a messy eater and gets very upset when food gets on her. She doesn't like her stuff to be put away. She wants everything out at once. She loves her tutu and boots and wants to wear them every day. She still hasn't shown any interest in potty training, and we aren't going to push it.

For the holiday, I was off for a 4-day weekend. Mostly I cooked and baked and cleaned the kitchen.

For Christmas Eve, we had a Mexican food feast. Since you can't really find good mexican food here in Cleveland, I learned how to make tortillas and used a mock Filibertos rice and beans recipe to make everything from scratch. We also had queso, ground beef taco bar, and tacquitos (from a box.)

For Christmas morning, I prepared (in advance) homemade cinnamon rolls with lemon cream cheese frosting. (MMMMM!)

For the afternoon feast on Christmas Day, I prepared a half-ham in a peach and brown sugar glaze, a cheesy broccoli rice casserole (a family favorite from Aunt Viola), and homemade focaccia rolls. The rolls were a little hard, so I made a second batch of bread later in the day so that we could enjoy fluffy rolls. The second batch turned out perfect and I realized my mistake. Whenever you half a recipe, always re-write the amounts so you aren't just doing the math in your head. I always forget and use the full amount the recipe calls for with at least one dang item and spoil it.

On Monday, since I didn't have to work, we had a family day. We took the kids to the zoo, tried out another (sadly disappointing) mexican food restaurant, and then looked at houses. We only have a couple of restaurants left... and so far, there is only one type of south of the border food here. It's bland, not spicy at all, all the stuff on the plate is either runny or covered in a runny sauce and touching and the meat is always stewed and shredded. I miss the nuances of El Salvador, Cuba, and the baja coast of Mexico and their limes and grills, when chipotle was a spicy pepper in adobo sauce that could burn your eyeballs out, and the fresh corn and black bean goodness of Tex-Mex, and burritos that you put in your fist. You would think I could open a restaurant and make a killing, but the sad truth is that people here cannot palate the flavors. Things on the menu here that are marked "spicy" can compete with Taco Bell's mild sauce. Things are bland here for a reason.

I have tons and tons of video of the kids right now. But for some reason, we've been negligent about taking pictures. I need to beat myself up about that. What's a scrapbooker going to do? I'll post some visuals soon.

snow days

2011-12-20T12:47:00.001-07:00

My toddler LOVES the white stuff.

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thanks.

2011-12-06T09:02:00.005-07:00

We drove up to Baltimore and Washington D.C. for the holiday, saw Nick & Tanya, ate wonderful food, toured the city, and showed off our cuties. We really enjoyed the city and had a great time.

Since coming home, Zola has demonstrated her ability to recognize every single letter of the alphabet by sight in no particular order and Viola has taken her first tentative crawls like a non-soldier / non-amphibian person. She also figured out how to laugh hysterically out loud and return her big sister's hugs (can't explain the adorable.) I have a cold now and a work load that might eventually kill me. I am spoiled from the vaca.

hair fail

2011-11-28T08:34:00.004-07:00

My hair is too long and it looks bleh.

Help me choose a hairstyle... leave a comment with what you think I should do. I'm going to go through pictures of myself through time to see if I like anything I've done before. Mark's thinking medium length, but I'm open to consider anything.

(Just want to avoid the middle-aged mom look.)

cute story

2011-11-09T10:36:00.002-07:00

Zola thinks her name is "cute" or alternatively "you." Every once in a while, she will call herself Zoe or Zola. But most of the time she will argue indefinitely with you that her name is "Cute."

The other day, I caught her using something as a step stool to get the scissors off the kitchen table. The step-stool she was using? Her baby sister. She was standing with both feet, full weight, on Viola's tummy. Viola was just giggling like a complicit accomplice and was not harmed in any way during the telling of this story.

My hair is too long. Not only was I able to create a mural of Michael Jackson on the bathroom wall with the hair that falls out during a single shower but I'm now worse than living with a dog. My hair is everywhere in the house. We found one long hair hanging out of Viola's eye. It was wrapped around the back of her eyeball. (I was able to gently massage it out.)

I asked Zola if she needed a diaper. She bent over, touched the floor in what yoga calls the "Downward Dog" and subsequently farted on command - five times (while laughing her head off.) She makes more fart jokes than anyone in the house. Also, on a similar note, I mastered my chili recipe using dry beans and spices (not canned beans and packets) - very proud of myself.

I think Zola has upwards closer to 50o words now. And Viola is sitting up for nearly a half-minute by herself now. It is so hard to see them grow up so quickly and not be home with them more. I get the cranky, tired final moments in their day -- dad gets the happy, playful, joyful moments (but also the monotonous daily grind associated with meeting their basic needs hour after hour throughout the day.) Wish there was a way to spread out their care between us better.

happy halloween

2011-10-31T16:23:00.002-07:00

Z's "first" halloween really exceeded my expectations. I knew that once the lights went on for her that strangers are just going to give you candy for no reason, it would be ON.

She smiled, shuffled along slowly, and said "hi" and "bye" and "thank you" to every house. (She even picked out which candy she wanted from a few. She had a hobo-style bag with an oversized hand at the receiving end that she carried perpetually at the ready, grasped firmly but carefully with both hands, especially as it got heavier. After each house, she would take a quick inventory of what she was given. We made it to about twice as many houses as I thought we would. There's plenty of booty for everyone.

Yesterday, we had a grill & chill in the park and then went home and made candied popcorn, which turned out great. Today, my work had a pot luck and I feasted on chili, which is so much more delicious when it's cold outside. I have a new appreciation and look forward to working on my own recipe this winter.

Unfortunately, we just got over being sick a few weeks ago and it looks like it's started it's way around again with me and Viola. I was lucky enough to get missed last time, so I could take care of everyone. But, this time, I feel like someone took a dump in my throat. Hopefully it will be a quick one.

I should imagine we'll see our first flurry of snow in the next couple of weeks. It was cold enough this evening for me to decide that the fleece I bought, thinking it would carry me to Christmas, is not warm enough already.

I love to bundle up. I like scarves and gloves and layers and hot chocolate and hot, spicy soups. So, I'm looking forward to the change of seasons.

the good stuff

2011-10-23T14:50:00.001-07:00

To keep you coming back....

food for thought

2011-10-18T18:40:00.004-07:00

I usually don't blog about politics, because the internet is a big room full of people who aren't going to get me, and I don't think people should change their minds to my position just because I make a great argument. I hold them to the high standard of doing their own thinking.

However, I'll make today's topic a vague exception:

We drove by "Occupy Cleveland" today to see what that was like... I was sad, because the face of it was a bunch of hippy kids. I think that the watered down message of general malaise regarding our turbulent economic time that they are trying to convey is one that everyone (left and right) can identify with. And I also think it is important to embrace the message and evoke some personal changes and discipline surrounding our lifestyles and demand our social infrastructure to do the same. But it is easily dismissed by the uninformed when it looks like it's just a swath of the fringe unwashed out asking for a hand out.

From the book I'm reading (referenced in the side bar) "Owing to this industrialized global food production system, over the last 100 years, 75% of plant genetic diversity has been lost and 30% of livestock breeds are at risk of extinction. 75% of the worlds food comes from twelve plants and only 5 animal species, making our global food supply highly vulnerable to disease and famine" ... "Six companies control 98% of the world's seed sales, 4 companies slaughter 81% of American beef, and 4 companies control 70% of American milk sales." The book also cites that between 1967 and 2006 the production of high fructose corn syrup per capital in the U.S. went from 0.03 pounds per year to 58.2 pounds per year and that our weight gain is the source of $275 million dollar increases in airline fuel costs each year. And that studies on life satisfaction over economic ranges shows that the really poor are pretty bummed, as you would expect. The people just barely meeting their needs (10k per person in the house) are just as satisfied with their lives and in certain measures (e.g. treatment for depression/anxiety, addictions to anesthetizations like shopping, gambling, and alcohol/drugs) are actually happier than households with higher incomes.

(The book has citations referencing all the studies, sources, etc. It's not a hard-science academic book, but it's not a soft Oprah self-improvement read either.)

I already knew we had a global food supply, highly industrialized in it's production. And that seed manufacturers genetically alter plants to not re-seed at the end of the season so producers have to continually buy seed every year. And that shipping, preservation, packaging, etc are creating an unsustainable food market. However, I was disturbed by the central planning, consolidation, etc. I guess I didn't really know that stuff.

And I knew we're fatter than any other generation. And that mental illness is an epidemic we now think of as normal. Everyone has "something," even our kids.

Anyway... I'm done ranting.

photo nuggets from this week

2011-10-10T19:45:00.005-07:00

I don't know what MJ was talking about. As far as I'm concerned, THIS is it.

side-by-side

2011-10-09T11:04:00.005-07:00

L: z at 8 weeks. R: v at 4 months in same dress as z at left. C: z at 4 months.

Fun to see the similarities and differences.

zola in september

2011-10-09T08:46:00.002-07:00

Every once in a while, Mark proves himself an artist with gems such as this:

The video camera he wanted before Viola was born just paid for itself.

merry land

2011-09-28T20:01:00.005-07:00

I had to travel to Baltimore for work. It's the same cost to expense driving as it is booking a flight, so I loaded up Mark and the kids and took them with me. We drove through Pennsylvania to get to Maryland and only when we were coming into town did I realize that Baltimore is kind of a suburb of Washington D.C. While I was in my first day of meetings, Mark took the babies down to see the White House, the Reflection Pool, the Washington Monument, etc. I'm pretty jealous because I've never been. But, they just drove around to save the touring of Jefferson Museum and walking around the different places to do when we go out for a longer, more recreational trip. In the evening, we headed out to downtown Baltimore to check out a bookstore Mark heard about. I found more books than he did, for once.

Then after my second day of meetings, we drove through Delaware, across the Chesapeake Bay Bridge, and back into the tip of Maryland where it meets the Atlantic to spend the rest of the weekend in my boss's condo in Ocean City. There was "SunFest" going on, which meant professional trick kiters were out doing their thing and a boat-load of megaphone toting import car show dorks were driving around their dad's pimped out saturns and neons. It was quite fun. We were just 500 feet or so off the beach and the weather cooperated, so we were able to walk down to the beach and let Zola collect shells. She absolutely HATES the sand, but loves the beach. She likes to sit on the edge of the blanket and play with sticks, shells, and rocks. We also walked the boardwalk, ordered pizza and sipped some mexican beers. It was pretty relaxing, if you don't count chasing a 2 year old non-stop (which is exhausting).

The drive home was long enough to make me note that we'll need to take days off if we want to do that again. We were hoping to stop by and say hi to an old friend of Mark's from High School who lives and works near D.C., but the drive... ugh. I've driven one-way narrow roads in London in rush hour. I've driven the worst routes in rush hour in LA. And, the east coast really knows how to have traffic. They have them all beat. And there are some really stupid road designs... I don't like to use the word "stupid" very often. I reserve it for special kinds of dumb. Whoever you are who designed the one lane two freeway split off-ramp... you are stupid. Whoever you are who decided to put 12 lanes if toll booths prior to the two-lane bay bridge, you are stupid. And whoever invented toll roads, you are also stupid (actually, you're probably a very savvy business person for monopolizing all the gas station/restaurant pull offs, but I hate you anyway.)

two peas in a pod

2011-09-19T18:57:00.004-07:00

Yesterday Zola woke up at an ungodly hour. I got up and went into her room with her so the rest of the family could sleep in. She was playing quietly with her toys while I sorted and organized the kids' stuff.

When Mark got up, he set her free. I thought he took her with him and he thought she stayed with me. What she did do, I wish I had a picture of.

When we found her, she was sitting IN the baby bassinet, with the baby, and almost on her head. She had pulled a lot of Mark's heavy text books off the shelf and nearly covered herself AND the baby. They both were giggling. What happy mischief makers.

Then later that day, I caught Zola kissing Viola. Kissing is her latest thing. She likes to grab you by your ears, do something that seems an awful lot like head bunting, and then she smootches you with a big smack. But, since Viola is so small, to really get a good grip on her ears, she has to lay completely over her face and smother her. True Love. Adorable.

OH!

2011-07-27T21:19:00.009-07:00

In a shocking twist of events, I like Ohio a lot! Who would have guessed? But here we are, transplants in a four-season State for the first time ever for Mark and the first time in 18 years for me. In a month or so, the leaves will change as a symbol of our new chapter.

Here's how we got here and why I haven't been updating this here bloggie:

We packed our entire household into shipping/storage containers Jun 27th and left Los Angeles for our great family odyssey while we are both on leave to bond with Viola. We packed in so much activity and travel that we really haven't had a chance to post, which is a shame. We had some of the most epic times of our lives.

First, we went out to Arizona. JJ made some of the most delicious food I have ever eaten and helped with the babies so much. McKay was in town, so we took a break from the Black Ops marathon with Evan to go out to ride the train and pan for gold at the ghost town, go swimming, and grill and chill.

Then Ev, the babies and I drove up to Utah. Austin, Sade, Chan, and Blondie drove up in another car. It was the first real test of long-road driving with both kids, and they surprised me by being pretty easy. Utah was seriously amazing. We camped, hiked, shot guns, bows & arrows, jumped on trampolines, sat in hot tubs, drove four-wheelers and dune buggies, rode bikes, got fountain drinks, did some crafting, and made 4 million trips to Walmart. Utah can be so beautiful and it was great to see everyone.

We went hiking, camping, roller coastering, shopping, scrapbooking, sewing, bicycling, walking in the rain, four-wheeling, dune-buggying, movie watching, and so much more.

While we were there, Zola had so many cousins to play with. I hardly saw her. She was off adventuring (as evidenced by the bruises,) But, when I got her back entirely to myself at the end of the two weeks, I was surprised at how grown up and full of attitude she was. Baby-zilla, for sure! With double the vocabulary and a skill set that takes ordinary life and makes it a roller coaster.

We went back to Arizona for one last week just to wrap up our loose ends and get ready for the great drive. The gravity of our undertaking started to hit me. Ugh. What had we done?

Mark was doing everything in his power to make things less stressful for me. He drove every single mile through New Mexico, Colorado, Nebraska, Iowa, Illinois, Indiana and finally, Ohio. About the time we reached Iowa (2 days before we got here) I started to relax a little. Iowa was really pretty rolling hills of corn fields with these gorgeous romantic looking farms... and it sort of chilled me out (even though we saw plenty of pretty country before that.) I don't know why.

We sort of "camped" in a hotel while we sorted out the final details on our place in Ohio. By the time we could move in and get our shipping containers delivered, we had 48 hours until Mark's parents were expected to visit. Much of our items didn't survive the trip, so during that time, we bought a new couch and kitchen table and made six trips to target, unpacked the kitchen, living room, bathroom, and all but 5 or so boxes in each of the kids room and our room left to unpack.

We ended up renting a two bedroom condo in Lakewood. It's a block off of Lake Erie, but a little over a mile from the big recreation areas attached to the lake in either direction from us. This town is a dense, urban area much like our old neighborhood in L.A., so we feel like the transition to the slower paced rural lifestyle will be less obvious at first. I'll share some more pictures when I get a little more unpacked and can find the cord that connects my camera to the computer (or even still, the camera.)

Mark made this video about it... please enjoy.

viola's first two weeks

2011-06-10T21:14:00.003-07:00

So, first a couple of cute notes about Zola... she says "milk" like "coke" and loves her baby sister. She strokes her hair, rocks her in her swing, and pokes her in the eye. She sleeps like a stink bug and loves her blanket and pillow very much. Her favorite toys are her books (just like her dad) and she loves doggies and her soccer ball. Her most commonly used phrases are "here you go" and "all done." Depending on context, these two things can articulate almost any point.

Viola is as sweet as she looks. She quietly stares into you and loves to be rocked. She is an amazing poop factory and has a knack for pooping like a wrestler right when her diaper is removed. I have shared a bunch of pictures from her first two weeks on FB. But, the above is a good sampling.

It was my 35th birthday today and I was treated like a queen. I'm moving into a new life, and there is too much to process, but I know that my life is changing. I'm a mother of two. I'm a primary provider for our family. I'm a lot of things that I am surprised to find myself being. But, I'm always the person who is really at the helm of my life and driving it where I want the journey to go. So, it's a little hard that I feel lately like my choices are more out of necessity than personal quest. But, I know I am doing what is right and that I will have no regrets.

day three

2011-06-05T10:46:00.002-07:00

I have not had a headache for three days and it is awesome! I can't tell you how desperate I was to feel better and/or how bad it felt to feel bad. But, I'm back! Wow. I really hope it lasts.

what a pain

2011-05-31T08:58:00.002-07:00

So the headache didn't go away... it just subsided for a while.

I pretty much spent all day yesterday in a dark room holding as still as possible. I have a pain killer which kind of works for a few hours and makes it so I can get up and walk around after a few hours. (But even in Los Angeles, it's hard to find a pharmacy open on Memorial Day)

I woke up with the headache again today. I just read that this type of headache is thought to be the most painful condition known to medical science and that women who have it often say it is worse than child birth (which I said, for sure... and with the memory recent enough for it to be true.)

I guess I'm done compaining. I'm laying next to a gorgeous little baby right now who keep sighing sweetly. And the headache medicine did not interfere with breastfeeding, so we are back on track there.

that was (too) easy

2011-05-29T22:20:00.002-07:00

I guess whenever something is too good to be true, it probably is. Somehow, I am one of those really rare cases and got pre-eclamsia post partum. Unfortunately, the typical treatment is delivering the baby. I had shortness of breath with the symptoms, so my doctor sent me to the ER at 3:00 in the morning yesterday. My pulse was 35 beats per minute, so they gave me something to jump start it which caused a cardiac nightmare and instant severe high blood pressure headache. After a while, it became apparent that this headache was not going anywhere and it did not respond to pain meds (4 shots of morphine didn't touch it.) I was asking someone to drill a hole in my skull like they do in "House" so I could get some pressure relief.

I had a bunch of tests and scans and eventually a spinal tap and everything was fine. They found out when they sedated me for the spinal tap that full 100% oxygen mask helped the headache. So it looks like I might get the diagnosis of cluster headaches. I have to see a neurologist. After laying in total darkness with oxygen for a few hours, the pain meds were enough to come home. I am taking it easy and get a break from breastfeeding because of the pain meds and contrast they had to inject for the C/T scan. Which means I get to sleep! I'm hoping it doesn't throw off my goal to BF. But, I should be okay. I'm setting alarm clocks to get up to pump. So that should help.

viola is here

2011-05-22T11:20:00.005-07:00

[Editor's Note: I am tired and have typo'ed my new baby's name five ways from Sunday. So let me set the record straight. Her name is spelled V-I-O-L-A, pronounced V-eye-oh-la. Sorry about the confusion.]

Viola Paige McCowen

8 pounds 11 ounces

20 inches

Welcomed May 21, 2011

at 4:27 PM

Holy cow. I had a baby yesterday. It still doesn't feel like it really happened. Here's why.

I thought I needed to go in and get checked out because I thought I was seeing some liquid trickling but I wanted to hang out with Nancy for a few hours first. She had driven down from Northern California just to see me for the day. So, we made plans to spend the second part of the day hanging in the hospital getting it checked out. But at noon, I had some good contractions instead. I didn't think it really changed our plans at all. We'd still hang at the hospital. This stuff takes time and I'd need someone to keep me company anyway...

Ha ha. Right away the contractions were long, hard, and 4 minutes apart. Wow. Let's spend 1.5 hours making sure that they are really sustaining that pace before calling the doctor.

We woke Mark up just to let him know to meet us at the hospital in a while once it was clear that we were going in. He had the same idea we did... plenty of time to pack some last minute things, primp a bit, grab some food, mozey on in.

By the time we got to the hospital, I was almost in transition. My membranes ruptured before I could fill out the paperwork to get signed in. The doctor almost didn't have time to drive the 20 minutes to get there. Mark got there just 20 minutes before I delivered and the doctor arrived about 2 minutes before... I was kind of huffing to hold it in by then.

This kid was start to finish a 4.5 hour thing. I was really Earthy and chanting and moaning and breathing those hee-hee-hee-hee-HOOOOOO type things. It was nuts. Glad I didn't plan for an epidural, because there was no way I had time for that. I think I had about 10 minutes of pushing and it was (as much as this can be said for delivering a baby vaginally) a piece of cake.

Wow. What a wonderful experience. I have this amazing little baby, hardly any pain or discomfort to show for it and am going home from the hospital in a couple of hours. I even was able to walk over to the nursery four hours after delivery to give her the first bath myself. I feel pretty good, considering. It's weird. I guess what they say... "second baby is easier" is true.

We are calling her "Viola Paige." Voila is after Mark's great aunt, who I always admired and adored and whose wedding rings I wear. She was such a strong, spunky woman. I hope Voila can know about her and be as inspiring.

it's official

2011-05-13T18:01:00.005-07:00

New job. Check.
New city. Ba-da-boom.
New baby. Baked.
New house. Found.

17 Months

2011-04-21T06:57:00.003-07:00

I say this every time I post about Zola, but she is changing and growing so fast. Now she is fully walking almost everywhere she goes, chatting up a storm, and getting MOLARS! She is kind of a bully and goes WWF SmackDown! whenever she doesn't get what she wants (and sometimes just for no reason.) We always take her hand gently and say "be nice" and pat ourselves with her hand softly. So, yesterday... she hit her dad's leg and then said "nice" and patted the same spot gently all by herself. I think we might have taught her that hitting is somehow nice.

Her favorite position to sleep in is on her knees and elbows with her bum high in the air. It's so funny and I have tried to take so many pictures that don't quite do it justice. You have to see it for yourself.

She must have seen me doing this. Periodically, she comes up to me and just rubs my tummy. It's very precious. Especially when she puts her cheek up to it and pats it like she can't wait to give her little sister a hug. But, when she's mad, she smacks my tummy. And that ticks the sequel off so she kicks back. And then everyone is beating me up! (And by the way, sometimes this exchange will bring tears to my eyes, since my skin is stretched to it's limit at this point and having my clothes touch it can be enough to feel like it's burning and splitting.)

Last weekend, Caleb, Zola and I went to the desert to visit my friend Tiffany. While we were there, we drove out to Death Valley to tour Scotties Castle, drove past the sand dunes, and climbed a few miles into Mosaic Canyon.

Zola learned how to slide down the marble rock in the canyon and this beautiful, tucked away natural wonder was my favorite spot.

new favorite

2011-04-04T12:27:00.001-07:00

Funniest math cartoonist ever.

snap, crackle, pop

2011-03-31T20:00:00.002-07:00

So, on Sunday night I was sitting on the arm of my sofa saying goodnight to Cale when suddenly we both heard this "POP!" And I instantly dropped to the sofa with a pain in my ribcage. It was exactly like the first time I snowboarded when I caught the edge of the board and whipped my entire body with the force of a drawn back rubber band into the snow ribcage first with my wallet in my pocket in the exact same spot where the pain was now.

I pretty much knew what happened. That spot has been hurting for a few weeks. I think the bone was still weak from the snow boarding thing, and my rib cage has been expanding to make room for little bundle of soccer player joy #2. Well, one swift well-placed kick later, and I'm down.

Mark had already left for work with the car, and I knew that they would just give me pain pills and send me home if I went to the Urgent Care or ER. So I took a percocet I had in the cabinet (judge me if you want) and had Caleb help me get into bed. The next day, I couldn't get out of bed. So, I had Mark lift me and take me straight from bed to my OB's office... his nurses sent me to the ER, and the ER gave me the once over, a subjective diagnosis matching my own (since X-Ray benefit would not outweigh the risk to radiating the baby) and a shot of morphine. I went back to my doctors office for some long-term monitoring of the baby's heart rate and movement. And then, I went home with a prescription to rest for a week as still as possible to allow the rib to knit in time (8 weeks) to avoid needing a cesarean.

So, for the past 4 days, I have just sat on the couch either sleeping off my pain pills or watching TV/Movies. It really hurt A LOT (and continues to hurt in intervals.) But, I got this rare opportunity to get to know my daughter a little better. When I go to work, she's asleep. When I get home, she's worn out from daycare, hungry, needs a diaper change, and is generally not in good spirits. I usually see a grumpy, tired whiner.

But, in the mornings she wakes up so happy. She babbles to the world about everything, plays fun games with herself and anyone who is paying attention, and has such a big, bright and beautiful heart. It helped that I couldn't have anything to do with her care because I couldn't lift her, so I really just got to be a spectator and watch this little sweet thing be herself. She's got such an imagination. She's so full of spirit and spunk. She has a sense of humor and a whole spectrum of emotions (other than grump!) It was a big payday for me to see this about her. I love her unconditionally, and I have never minded that she gives me her off-mood in the evenings. I've heard the fairy tales from her dad and other care givers about her sweetness. But, it was really nice to see it for myself.

I took a test drive to take Caleb to pick her up from daycare to see if I could tolerate the bumpy roads of LA and driving the car. And I did okay. I think I'm ready to go back to work tomorrow. I'm thankful that this happened, even though it hurt like a swear word. Because I got to know my daughter a little better. And I was a really haggard and tired pregnant lady no matter how well I was fooling myself and everyone else. So the long afternoon naps on the couch were really, really, really nice.

Back to real life, now.

mish-mash rehash

2011-03-24T12:21:00.006-07:00

For Z's first year, I had her pictures taken every month. Since her first b-day, I have cut back to every 3 months. Here are her "15 Month" pictures, although rescheduled technically during her 16th month due to illness. She is starting to feel more toddler-y and less baby-y now that she has 7 teeth and enough hair for full-on piggy tails. She can stand on her own, but refused to do so for pictures. Maybe next time.

I should have baby shower pictures soon. My Indian-themed party was so nice. We had cake, Indian food, a fruit blessing, and games. My favorite was the make-and-take craft. We made home-made bath salts in baby jars and decorated them all Martha-y. It was so much fun. Mark even came for a few minutes before he had to go to sleep.

I think the illness that has been constant at our house is, after almost an entire month, finally gone. Yay. We all are still coughing, but no one feels bad anymore. And we are back to our routines.

I am very preoccupied with logistical planning, financial planning (I got my annual bonus Friday and as of now have a $0 credit card balance) and feeling very pregnant these days. I am settling in at work, which means I am busy and the time is flying by more quickly again.

A lot is going on with Zola. This is always true, I guess. She is on day 12 without a pacifier and is down to only 1 bottle per day, with the hope that she will start drinking from the sippy cup someday. She can get the liquid out, but she doesn't like it. So, she just throws it when you offer. She is saying "go," "up," "wow," "yeah" and "look at that." She is hitting a lot, and we are completely at a loss for how to treat it. This is one of those times that it would be so much easier to conventionally parent, because we would know how to handle these things. She is learning how to brush her teeth. She can climb the stairs, bring a spoon (with food still on it) to her mouth, drink from a cup with help, wipe stuff with a rag to clean it, pick up her toys and put them in the bin (with coaxing,) and walk with help. She still prefers to hold two hands when walking. If you only give her one, sometimes she's fine. But, usually she'll sit down and crawl because she just doesn't feel stable and her balance is very important to her. Tvisha has a car that kids can get in and push with their feet. Zola can open the door, crawl up into the seat and turn to sit properly, shut the car door, and then goes crazy steering the car wheel (which does nothing.) She can also climb up into a chair, turn switches, press buttons with one finger, turn several pages of a book at once, answer your questions with babble, open and close tupperware lids, and defeat simple child-proofing devices. She is starting to assert some strong food preferences and cries like you're beating her if you try to give her something she doesn't like. And she seems to be back to sleeping most of the time through the night.

Baby #2 is growing on track with Zola at this point, according to the doctor. So, I might get to have another giant baby. Everyone is betting she'll come early, though. I am already having a couple of Braxton-Hicks per day.

houseboat with legs

2011-03-16T11:48:00.001-07:00

This wonderful pic of Me, Z, and Madhuri was taken 6 WEEKS AGO at 24 Weeks! I am defying the laws of physics with this tummy.

fave

2011-03-09T14:04:00.003-07:00

This picture of my mom and dad when they were first starting their lives together reminds me of Mark's Valentine's Day gift to me... He reminded me of the times when we were young, naive, and silly in love.

Mark and I think that Valentines Day is for people who suck at expressing their love and appreciate for each other every other day of the year. We don't celebrate it, in other words. But, because it has been harder to find the time for dates, thank yous, and because we are both pulled at both ends by the demands of life... this year we both gave each other something. Ironically, we gave each other almost exactly the same surprise. We told each other the story of us, in our own way. I gave him a small picture book with every picture ever taken of both of us together along with a little children's story of mom & dad that he can read to our girls, and I told him that he could name the new baby the name he likes. He gave me a long, eloquent, deeply personal love letter telling me about how our history together has shaped our future to be awesome... and the ends says that we should name the new baby the name I like.

Now we both have insight into how our lives have impacted each other and still no clue what to call our new little one.

28 weeks

2011-03-07T11:55:00.005-07:00

My friends, who are also throwing me a traditional Indian party for my baby shower in a couple of weeks, pitched in their wedding jewelry and the dress outfit I am wearing for these pictures to celebrate my entré into the 3rd trimester.

The gift the universe keeps on giving is is a cold that I haven't been able to kick for weeks, which continually reminds me that my last will and testament is out of date. I believe that I may, in fact, be the first woman to suffer the much more serious and even life-threatening "man cold." I've never coughed this hard (until I actually throw up on myself!) or hurt this bad (that I dip my entire face in hot water to relieve the sinus pressure!). Ugh.

And did I mention that I'm in the 3rd trimester of pregnancy? This means I am suddenly and completely physically miserable from the neck down in ways unimagineable. My darling blossom is defying gravity by standing on my spine and poking her head straight out as realistically depicted in the diagrams shown here:

Oh, and Zola has some kind of stomach virus and is throwing up and peeing out her butt with a fever.

In generally, what I'm saying is that it's a really joyful time at our house.

[Editors Note 3/8: As of today, we have been properly verbally abused by both my doctor and Zola's doctor for waiting too long to finally jam pack our cupboards with antibiotics. Zola has severe dehydration, stomach flu, 2 teeth coming in, and an ear infection and I have a seriously advanced sinus infection, e.g. tooth and neck nerves are involved and I can't open my right eye all the way. Don't be so foolish. When you or your baby doesn't recover within 5-7 days, just go to the doctor. No need to wait three weeks to "tough it out.")

baby steps

2011-02-23T21:16:00.004-07:00

Zola took her first two shakey steps to independence on Monday evening. She's been getting closer and closer. She still prefers to crawl because she really lacks the confidence to venture off without something to hold onto... the balance and coordination is there. But, she just reminds me of me when I was trying to "drop in" at the skatepark for the longest time. I had no doubt in my mind that I could do it and that my fear of failure was the only thing holding me back.

I can't tell you how my whole chest swells when this little pooper does something magnificent like put a spoon level to her mouth without dumping the contents or weaponizing the thing. It's a heart-stopper, each and every acheivement. I get a little tear in my eye or a tug at my heart. And it's not like she's discovering some secret to world peace or curing all that ailes the world. Half the time she's just accomplishing the most ordinary thing that everyone under 85 years of age takes for granted.

Our #2 is really rocking out in there. No, literally. We went to a concert and she was really rocking out. She danced continually for over an hour. I had my 28 week check up today. I'm doing fine, but started gaining weight in some serious way... so now I'm feeling like all this work at the gym to keep things in check is pointless. If the baby needs weight, the baby will have what she wants. Just like Zola... asserting herself right up in there. At least I know I'll have the commitment at the gym for losing it afterward. That's comforting.

Anyway, more later.

the root of my square root of two.

2011-02-14T11:25:00.006-07:00

I just realized it's been a while since I talked about math. Let me tell you about the exponential function. It models those situations where one axis has change that is disproportionately different from the other axis. So, let's take an example. One axis (horizonal line above) is pretty constant... lets say it's time... which (believe it or not) only goes at one speed no matter whether you're having fun or not. Then the other axis represents something that occurs more frequently every day at the rate of whatever it was yesterday times by the number of days since it started really increasing like nut-balls. In this example, this is the verticle axis and it represents all the crazy new things Zola learns everyday.

The square root of two is totally opposite of the exponential function. It's when things happen less frequently every day, like the number of things you can remember as you get old.

At one point, we were a family of two, but now we are a square root of more like 3.65... which is an irrational number around 1.91. But, since Zola has the energy of at least 5 average adults and has developed a football tackle relationship with Akira... I feel like we live with He-man and her side-kick cat. Especially the way she wields the remote like a sword and likes to hit people in the face with it.

She is still not walking, and no one is really looking forward to the time that she does. Because we can all see how correlated that will be with climbing. She already pulls out the drawers and climbs into them, climbs up on her toys and stands higher to get a better view out the window, and is trying to get her knee up on the (glass) coffee table. So many things to bolt down, screw in, and re-surface.

Meanwhile, her language skills are out of this world. Here are a few samples of things she regularly says in correct context:

"Hello" --When someone comes into the room or the phone rings

"Right there" --Where is you pacifier?

"All done." --Do you want more?

"No" --Can I have it?

"Yum, Yum" --Do you want some food?

"Up" or "Down" (depending on which she currently is)
"Kitty" (Pointing to the cat)

"Daddy!" (When he comes in the room)

Caleb is here for a while to help us with childcare and she just adores him. So do we. He really takes some of the stress off of me and Mark and makes it so we can spend more time together. Our house is so small, that I feel bad for making him sleep in the closet... but he seems to appreciate being here. The weather is great and there is a lot to do. Plus, even though Zola is more work than ever before, it's a little more fun now that she communicates and asserts herself. And she is really great at helping you figure out what she wants.

sequel at 20 weeks

2011-01-10T12:44:00.005-07:00

I haven't written much about sequel. This is what we are calling baby #2 until we select a name. We have tossed around a few names, but I think I decided not to tell anyone (except Mark) what my final decision is until she is born. I get to ignore fewer peoples' opinions that way.

So, she's about 10 inches long now and I can feel her squirming. For some reason, at this stage when she moves a lot, it feels so strange: like vertigo and starvation and nausea and a swift change in blood pressure all at once. I feel a little guilty, because I know I had more time to talk to, dream about, plan for, and read up on Zola in the womb than I do this one. She is entering a competitive market where Zola has become very accustomed to having the monopoly.

That part is a little scary because Tvisha and Zola have always been very sweet to each other... until lately. Zola has gotten assertive and knows how to push, hit, bite, grab, etc and territorial about everything (toys, mom, food, etc.) So, Tvisha has figured out that she doesn't have to treat her soft like a little baby anymore. Every time they are together it's an episode of earth shattering screaming everytime anyone touches anyone, even with love. I think the thing that makes me cring the most is that our two children will be almost exactly the age difference between Tvisha and Zola, so it's a little like looking into a crystal ball at my life in two years. Let me hit the lottery and get two children who love each other and never fight. (Ha ha.)

Maybe it's because I don't have time to dwell on anything, but this pregnancy has been a piece of cake so far. She's not "on my nerves" yet.

We're having my sister in law here for a couple of weeks and then Caleb will come for a while to help us with childcare and getting everything prepared for her arrival. There is not much to do right this moment, but keeping up with the standard things has become hard for some reason. I have such a wonderful family!

Oh, and Zola is feeling better. She had a high fever, double ear infection, and high-pitched scream all last week and is on antibiotics and back to her sweet, happy self.

edit: Even my posts about sequel are about Zola.

13 months

2010-12-11T22:28:00.003-07:00

I kind of skipped a few months because life happens.

But, Zola has changed so much lately that I just have to blog about her. She's so inquisitive and industrious at this age... Here is a short list of new things she can do:

- kneel without sitting on her ankles and very well all while she bobs to music, plays with toys, etc.
- open a lid, place something inside, and close the lid - then reverse that.
- put the rings on the pole toy, clap for herself.
- say "ahhhhh!" when she wants you to shovel another bite into her mouth
- walk while holding her wheeled cart-walker toy without falling down (much)
- fall down, get up, go back to whatever it was without crying
- press a button with one finger (or thumb if it takes more torque to press.)
- say "dada" for dad, "mama" for mom, and mimic single syllable sounds you make.
- make a crawling run for it whenever the hall door gets accidentally left open. She really wants to eat the cat litter and can get there in less than 20 seconds.
- fall asleep without her pacifier (but she can't STAY asleep w/out it. She always wakes up a few hours in and cries until you give it to her.)
- pull herself to standing using unstable items without toppling (she just needs something to touch for balance, not pull on.)
- turn the lights on/off, turn the TV on/off/channel, etc.
- pick up all her spilled cheerios and put them back in the bowl by herself, because she wants to.
- on command "where's the baby?" she covers her eyes, then quickly removes them so you'll say "Peek-A-Boo" or "There she is."
- tells you why she is crying. If it's a diaper, she grabs her diaper. If she's hungry, she grabs her tummy. If she's teething, she grabs her mouth. If she's tired, she collapses dramatically (especially if she doesn't want to sleep) and rubs her eyes. If she's frustrated because she can't do something, she hits herself on the head (which never fails to crack me up).

We got some fruit popcycles and gave her one and it might have been the best day of her life. She's still very open to eating whatever we give her and the only things she doesn't care for is plain mashed peas (who can blame her.)

the sequel

2010-11-23T10:53:00.001-07:00

Thanks to first trimester screening, I can say that the bump-coming-soon (or one might argue, never left) does not have hemophilia and is a little sister to Zola. I'm due around third week of May.

candids of the monkey

2010-10-17T09:04:00.002-07:00

With Eva...With Mommy...

With Tatyana...With Dada...
With food... (she just shoved an entire pretzel in her mouth here)

I finally got around to downloading the old pictures onto the computer. (Now I just have to do the new ones, ha ha!)

So, Zola is every day surprising us with new or advancing little skills and I feel like I can't keep up. She can really get around the room and we are NOT ready for that yet. As I type, I had to get up twice to set her away from the drawers with batteries in them that aren't child-locked yet. I know, I know. We're awful parents. Tell me about it.

Zola - 11 Months

2010-10-11T21:10:00.004-07:00

It seems like she was born a few months ago, but she's just a few weeks shy of her first birthday. I can still remember the exact moment that the doctor placed her on my tummy for the first time and the bright, penetrating gaze that she gave me. It sends shivers down my spine. And today, she dropped her sippy cup and said, "Uh-Oh."

We were discussing how to describe becoming a parent, and came to the sad conclusion that all you can do is repeat the clichés. "They change your life" "They grow up so fast" "You never knew what it meant to love before this" and more. But, those statements don't carry any real meaning until that moment when they are your reality... and then the weight of those words is no longer empty and frivolous.

I've really enjoyed being a mom. It's so exhausting and rewarding and wonderful and awful all at the same time.

I'll post some candid pics from this month in a few days.

Cha-cha-cha-changes

2010-09-25T11:14:00.004-07:00

So I decided that with my family obligations, I can't keep fooling myself that I'm getting anywhere with the actuarial exams.

When I broke the news to my work, they didn't immediately make things easy for me. They made it sound like I had until May to find a new job within or without the company. Ughhh. Not exactly the best time to be unemployed.

So, I put out some feelers with my peeps around the company and got a few calls and an interview right away.

Eva came out for a week and was here during the thick of it. I interviewed for this awesome position on Monday and it went so well that they asked to talk to my supervisor and have me call-in interview with the VP.

This makes my supervisor and her boss nervous, because my plate at work is very full until at least Christmas, so they will have a lot of work to reallocate if I go right away. I think they thought it would be harder for me to find something in this job market. So, they make my job more secure and offer me something indefinitely. This will make it easier to push the salary negotiations with the potential offer and not accept it if it isn't a good move (it was going to break even or a little net negative considering transportation and daycare additions to expense.)

So now that things are feeling a little more stable, I feel like I can post about it. It was pretty hairy for a while.

In other news, aside from pulling my hair the whole time preparing for the job interview and stressing, it was AWESOME to see Me Sista. We scrapbooked, went shopping, had a dinner party, chilled out, and saw a dodgers' game.

Then, the day we took her to the airport to fly back, Mark and I left for our monthly couples retreat. (I decided to take days off every month so we can hang out and be married -- we NEVER see each other and it sucks.) We drove out to Palm Springs, caught an art exhibit, ate some good food, stayed in a not-suckin-hotel and Zola and I even got to swim in a real swimming pool at the hotel. She was so cute in the water, kicking and swimming. Didn't like the back float, but loved the doggie-paddle.

Anyway, I'm off to a BBQ to welcome Mahi's mom from India and then the week begins. Hopefully I'll have some more info about the job prospect soon.

Going Private

2010-09-12T18:44:00.002-07:00

Email me or PM me in Facebook if you would like to be made a reader.

I'm sure you saw this coming.

tgi summer-fun-a-rama-DONE

2010-08-19T16:31:00.005-07:00

So, I am finally getting around to bringing you up to speed on weeks 11, 12 and life since the conclusion of the whole festival of fun.

Week 11:
We got our craft on, cycled twice, took pics at the hollywood sign, went shopping at melrose AND sunset, went to California Chicken Cafe, got pictures taken at JCP for both Chan and Zola, and went to "Make It Funky" street festival with DJ's, live bands, cool crafts, street artists, etc. Awesome. Again, so inspired I could die.

Week 12:
Breakfast at Charlies Diner, Padres vs. the Dodgers at Dodger Stadium, Marmalade Cafe and shopping at the Grove, Cycling, Assembling the crib/packing, Dinner at Madhuri's LOST season 1 marathon, Venice Beach, Hiking Topanga Canyon, and finally a tearful goodbye at LAX. We definitely miss our Cha-nanny-gens.

Technically, Week 13 was pretty crazy too. I took 2 days off work so Mark and I could have a weekend together in Santa Barbara. We had reserved a campsite at El Capitan State Beach, but couldn't hear each other over the generators, traffic, and someone drove by in a golf cart. That was the death-knell for our 45 minutes of camping. We went home, drank several bottles of wine and talked into the night.... and spent the next day lounging at the beach. It was nice.

I have caught up on everything, including sleep, since we assembled the crib and have Zola sleeping in her own space now. Ahhh, the bliss of being able to ignore her in the night while she tosses and turns and gets herself back to sleep.

My exam season is well underway, and I am studying for half of part 3 (of 9). It's going okay, but I'm not getting my hopes up on passing or anything. My new job is starting to feel like an old job, and I'm more often working than wondering.

And it is hot in California... so summer is not quite over. Let's hope I don't have any more fun.

week 10 of summer-fun-a-rama

2010-07-25T21:48:00.005-07:00

Monday: Cycling

Tuesday: Went to Amoeba and Target. I got the Beatles "Love" album and this rug.

Wednesday: Cycling with Madhuri -- GREAT INSTRUCTOR. I think I lost 20 pounds in this class.

Thursday Night: watched Pleasantville and went shopping and got Zola one of these:
Friday night: Star walk on Hollywood Blvd, Paquito Mas for burritos

Saturday: Went to Chinatown and stumbled upon the 2nd annual renegade craftfair... I went to this last year with Steph and it was so awesome that I practically RAN there when I realized what was going on!

Holy crap, OMG, wow, best day of the year! Got INSPIRED!!!!

We came home, ate and relaxed for a while and then dropped the youngun off at Madhuri's so we could go to a concert at the El Rey to see Pinback. The music was pretty down tempo, but it built up and we rocked out and had an excellent time!

Sunday: Slept in a bit. Went to see Inception. BEST MOVIE this year. Go see it, Internet. You must. Then we came home, took a nap, watched Rebel Without A Cause, and then went back out on the pretext of helping Scott do something and wound up trying to figure out why Hollywood Blvd was closed down with the red carpet out. We never did figure it out because whatever it was had just ended and they were packing up. However, it was a good excuse for an ice blended coffee.

oh and here are some random pics from the past few weeks

2010-07-19T20:53:00.003-07:00

week 9 of summer-fun-o-rama

2010-07-19T20:04:00.003-07:00

We are definitely winding down (running out of fun-ds) from our Summer-Fun-O-Rama. The run down from last weekend to this weekend:

- Live Jazz at the Los Angeles Contemporary Museum and picnic with a bunch of friends.
- Madhuri's house for lunch, Getty Museum (Gerome Exhibit) with a live band. I just love this painting that we saw. It looks like a photograph!- Pizza and a movie night.
- Chana got a job in the mornings for the hours that we don't need her to do childcare. She is working at a gift shop on Hollywood Blvd that is owned by a couple of friends of mine. We got her oriented with the bus and navigating the city by herself. She's a brave and independent person and it's fun to share her "firsts on her own."
- We went to the Dodgers vs. the Cubs game at Dodgers Stadium with Farhan and Christine, got some Dodgers Dogs, and watched some slaughter on the diamond. (Cubs suck! Sorry, Farhan. But you know it's true.)
- Went to tea at Madhuri's place. Chana got to try Indian snacks and Chai.
- Went shopping at the Beverly center, a "7-story" mall in Beverly Hills. Got a cute owl necklace at Forever 21 that will make Stephanie weep.
- Scrapbooked like crazy, opened the box to my new Cricut (thanks Mom & Dad M for the wonderful bday gift) and cut up some paper like crazy. I'm in love with scrapbooking again.
- Saw Tiffany for a couple of hours.
- Went to a surprise baby shower and Indian party for Archana, a mutual friend I met through Madhuri.

Phew. Do you still care? No? Okay. I will stop blathering.

tales from the scale, volume 1

2010-07-07T12:42:00.007-07:00

Let's take the starting point that I just had a baby....I'm not posting any "before" pictures or anything, but I'm sure you know where I'm at, Internet. We've been together long enough to know this much about each other. You know what I'm talking about.

Well, Dr. Oz just told me that the worst day to start a diet is Monday or Tuesday because you have all week to fall off the wagon before you get into your routine. I'm sorry, Dr. Oz. I completely disagree. All that free time to munch and lounge on the weekend... I do my best work on the week days because I hardly have time to fall off anything.

So, yesterday I finally went and renewed my gym membership. I didn't get a fabulous deal or anything. I could have haggled a little more, but I got the guy down to the point that I had budgeted for - so that's what matters. And including the unlimited daycare, it's still less than I was paying for the past 10 years (which was too much.) I get to bring 2 guests with me every visit, so free-loading workout buddies are welcome! By the time the guy finished my paperwork, I only had 15 minutes left before the childcare closed, so I ran a quick mile! Go me! Then, we went to a clothier (sounds nicer than Ross, doesn't it) and I got a work out outfit that doesn't make me look like a tube sausage. Why is it that athletic attire is always made "form" fitting as though the people working out don't have a reason to need to?

That's hot.

Chana is into fitness, so we are planning to go every other day at the minimum to take in a class or swim some laps or something. I'm going to make her cycle with me, because that's where all the fat burning happens for me. Once I get into the habit, I'm somewhat of a gym rat. And I get really warm fuzzies about life in general from all that seratonin. I'm really looking forward to it. The fun starts tonight. Not the average summer-fun-o-rama.

Oh, and did I mention... bank of america lets you download transactions into excel and do data analysis on how you are spending. I am embarassed to share this... but, we ATE (as in food purchases/restaurants) $1,500 in food last month. I think it's time to work out, don't you?

light and dark

2010-07-03T17:44:00.005-07:00

Roger and Aubri were here to drop off Chana for a few days last week and we filled our days with Yogurtland, Six Flags, the beach, and walks in the city. As usual, it was a blast to see them. Chana came with us to Arizona to drop off Stephanie and enjoy a laid back 4th of July. Our traditions are nothing compared to the Moroni 4th.

We've just been grillin' and chillin' and enjoying family. We talked Stephanie into getting her pictures taken with Zola by suggesting a punk rock / Twilight theme.

But we also had a few "cute" ones taken in normal clothes.

week 5 of summer-fun-o-rama

2010-06-20T11:01:00.005-07:00

It seems like I have more and more to say and less and less time to say it in. You will have to live with a few pics and short, informational sentences. You will have to live without my magnificent humor until Zola goes to college.

Last weekend Stephanie, Caleb, Zola Jane and I went to San Diego. We loved gawking at those poor caged animals, trashed a hotel and made fun of people gutting fish off the pier at Imperial Beach. We had a pretty good time, ate ridiculous amounts of sugar and watched hotel tv until the wee hours.

Caleb flew home Tuesday, and since then Stephanie and I haven't really done much. It's been a more relaxing installment of Summer-Fun-O-Rama this week since Stephanie has "been there, done that" for most things. On the week days, the most exciting thing we have done has been walk to blockbuster for more "Curb Your Enthusiasm."

Friday night we went to the Grove. They had a live band and some of the kid-faces of Disney were there. We met and got Zola's picture with Vincent Martella, the voice of "Phineas" on Phineas and Ferb and plays "Greg" on Everyone Hates Chris.
Stephanie is trying to "friend" him on Facebook. He messaged her a few times to figure out who she is (and remembered getting the photo) but I told her not to be disappointed if he doesn't friend her. She is friends with a band we went to see last year at the El Rey, and I guess they message all the time, so maybe Vincent and her will be laughing about this post together in a few years when they get married. Who knows.

Saturday early, I took Zola to get her pictures done. I've tried to do it every month on or around her birth day. I skipped 6-months because we took family self-portraits in Arizona. But, it seems like so much has changed from the baby who just laid on her back and smiled.

She was COMPLETELY ADORABLE in this photo session. After that, I took her to get her ears mutilated. We can now start the gender training in full. Next week, I am going to bind her feet.

Afterward, Stephanie and I went back to the Grove. They were doing a "Hawaii" event with hula, music, and free food, drink, lei making, etc. We toured Kauai while we waited for our showing of TOY STORY 3 in 3D... very, very worth seeing. We took Zola to her first movie in the theater and she was very well behaved. I was worried because people in LA are serious about their movies. She appeared to love the movie as much as Stephanie and I did. She laughed, she cried... and so did we. (Although we did it at appropriate moments and no one shoved a pacifier in our mouths.)

I think the big plans for today are to go hear some DJs perform at a public park and do some household maintenance. If we don't buy groceries soon, Stephanie will be forced to eat the baby. She's sweet, but I don't think it will work. I'd never be able to figure out if the sides should be savory or not.

dry heat

2010-06-09T19:17:00.004-07:00

I had some time off and some plans that fell through, so we went to Arizona on a whim.

While we were there, we took some family pictures of ourselves in front of the same plant that we got married in front of.
And Zola Jane got to go swimming for the first time. She didn't love it at first, but it was so hot that I left her in the water for a while to cool off and she "warmed up" to it. Love my puns.

Oh, and by the way, we decided an hour before we left to come back to kidnap Stephanie. Yay... extra kid!

lucky number seven

2010-06-01T19:10:00.004-07:00

Here is my turd. She is seven months old this week! This is the last picture ever taken of her hair before it retired and moved to Florida.

I love this head chopped one for two reasons:
1. you can not see her chopped off hair.
2. it looks like it was taken with a 110 camera in the 70's and could be any of the 5 pictures taken of me when I was little (ninth children never have millions of baby photos of themselves. It's a well-documented fact. Don't worry mom, I'm not hatin'.)

The pic above is what I call her "Lindsey Lohan" smile. She has that grin on her face because she knows that her panties are showing in both of the remaining pictures and she doesn't care because she is hopped up on girlie-girl.

There you have it. Seven months.

Just kidding. I can think of more to say. I'm not just going to punctuate the images. Anyway, you don't get to hear from me that often anymore 'cause I'm off living the sexy, glamorous life of a hollywood starlet (now that they are all pushing forty and pumping out offspring.)

We have a young fella, Caleb, living with us for a few weeks to help out with added childcare need while I'm getting acclimated to my new job. He's absolutely precious. He is in the kitchen as I type, Internet: making me a smoothie. And when I got home, I could make out the distinct aroma of lysol. Utah churns out the most polite young people.

We have been fully launched into our annual Summer-Fun-A-Rama. Shopping at the Beverly Center, China Town, Melrose, Hollywood Farmer's Market, the Fairfax High Swap Meet, Amoeba Records, Hollywood Boulevard, and so on... We've gone to Friday Night Jazz at the LA Contemporary Museum, the Lake Shrine Self-Realization Center Garden, saw a Dodger's game, eaten tons of Indian food, rode bikes down Venice (with baby in a trailer), walked the Santa Monica Pier, and lounged on a Malibu beach. The last is the only one we have a picture of!
Whew. I'm out of breath. That's a lot of fun.

transition, people

2010-05-13T22:05:00.003-07:00

I start a new position at work on Monday as part of a standard educational rotation program for studying actuaries to make our brains explode. I will miss my supervisor and coworkers a lot... it's been a good three years and I really enjoy the group I'm leaving. Onward and upward...

We have a series of teens coming for a few weeks each during the summer to help offset childcare and the added burden and pressures of starting a new job while still on the double shift of having an infant up most of the night. The first young California dreamer gets here on Saturday and we have some fun stuff lined up. I think you can expect another "Summer-Fun-O-Rama" (see June 2008 in my archives to relive the excitement of previous installments!)

I looked back at 2009 and realized that even though we had a Summer-Fun-O-Rama, I was too busy writing about my pregnancy. I guess becoming a mom does make you a little more boring... No wonder I don't get many comments anymore... I'm sorry, Internet. I've let you down!

I will *try* to stop blathering about the baby. Tomorrow.

--She's making these gutteral sounds and I am trying to train her to make them right after I say "What does a zombie say?"
--She giggles crazy when you say "tickle, tickle" or "I'm gonna get you"
--She puts her arms out to say "hold me" when we get home from work.
--She sits with her arms forming a tripod.
--She has good fine motor skills with her fingers... meaning she can pinch (while twisting... the delicate skin in your armpit) and pull your beard or try to gouge your eyes out now.
--She likes to eat paper. She has a method where she soaks it in drool until it becomes soft pulp and then she gums it into little pieces and swallows it until she chokes loud enough for you to realize that a piece of paper fell on the ground too close to her. I think it's organic, right?

almost six months

2010-04-30T21:16:00.002-07:00

It's crazy how time flies, isn't it? Zola is going to be 6 months next week.

We are all settled into the rhythm of parenthood and are enjoying it completely.

She started getting a flat head, so we have to position her on her side more. While she falls asleep, she is sort of compulsive about having something in her hand to play with... she would prefer to hold mama or dada's hand... but we are trying to give her a pajama-time routine that doesn't have us sitting by her side for hours... so she gets this light-up/song playing seahorse instead. It's soft and she likes to pet it and the tunes start her eyeballs rolling up into the back of her head the minute it starts to play. She's a good sleeper and gets tired around 6pm... which is just a half hour after I get home from work :(. I wish we had more time to hang out.

I am sure you will agree with Mark that she has entered her "ugly phase." Clearly, she is hideous.

snack-a-lack-a

2010-04-23T22:43:00.003-07:00

I'm not sure what snack-a-lack-a means. But, it's my latest word. I say it every day at least 50 times. It is a noun, verb, adjective, and expletive and it pretty much says it all. I finally got around to locating the pictures we took last weekend of Zola Jane having a sand picnic at the beach. We forgot to tell her that just because it exists doesn't mean you can digest it. She thought it was so tasty, though. She came back for seconds and thirds.

I can relate because I just had some fast food sushi for dinner.

We can now push her around in a new stroller! Thanks Mom & Dad! This stroller looks pretty average, but we test drove a lot of different strollers and this one has the best of everything. We surprised ourself, because it's a little bigger than I thought we would like. But Zola spends about a quarter of her life being strolled around, so we thought, "what the heck."

Plans for this weekend? Maybe I'll go for a long walk.

matrimony

2010-04-12T19:58:00.005-07:00

I went to Utah for a long weekend to attend DJ's beautiful wedding. It was a quick trip, but I really enjoyed it and Zola Jane got buried in attention from all her Cousins and Aunts/Uncles. I started calling Roger her "Dad away from Dad" because he is definitely her favorite person in Utah (no offense to everyone else... it's just a fact. Ha ha.)

Zola Jane got her pictures taken with Jailyn, her cousin who was due on the same day but born three weeks or so apart. It was so interesting to see how much different the two girls are... and look at all of Jailyn's hair! How wonderful. She is also much taller than ZJ.

How did this cute one taken at home get in here? Oh, because it's so cute who can resist. She's grabbing at those feet constantly. And so am I. They're irresistible.

Marilyn looked lovely. She had little strands of golden tinsel sparkling in her side-swept hair and a contagious smile all day. The evening before the wedding we got to hang at her bachelorette party where we dipped strawberries into a chocolate fondue fountain and talked about how exhausted we all were. What work weddings are!

I hijacked the rings for a few shots with their beautiful cake. I just loved the figurines. Such a fun touch to the fireman theme.

The cousin in the middle is Wyatt. He is a few months older than the girls.

spring traditions

2010-04-04T14:43:00.002-07:00

We were thinking of celebrating Easter this year. It's the sort of holiday that is funner when you are a kid and can hunt for eggs, over-indulge in candy without guilt, and someone else does all the cooking and egg-deviling and cleaning up after.

Instead, we just decided to make a big breakfast and spend some time together as a family. It was enough. No ham, mashed potatoes, and homemade rolls... but no grocery trip, piles of dishes, and hours over the stove, either.

Happy whatever-you-celebrate for Spring.

kaleidoscope

2010-03-30T20:14:00.004-07:00

I can't believe our yum-yum is 5 months old this week. I am pretty much out of the "transitional" stage at work and am trying to carry my weight. I feel very pulled in lots of directions. A few things are falling to the gutter. But, baby is awesome. She just keeps growing and changing like a kaleidoscope. Speaking of carrying my weight (ha ha) hefting the baby caused me to throw out my back. I'm taking it easy with lifting and bending while it heals. But, it really speaks to how fast she is growing.

Our kitty, Kazi, is making a slow recovery. He's still timid, weak, and without much appetite. But, he got his stitches out, his incision has mostly healed over, and he comes out of his scaredy-cat hidey place and chases Akira from time to time. Akira is trying to make a power play for alpha cat while he's down and out and he still has enough salt to shake at her. His blood work seems to imply that no permanent damage was done to his organs and there is no reason why he can't fully get back to normal. He did lose 20% of his body weight, and has to try to recover his muscle and strength on a restricted low-fat diet. I did finally realize the benefit of premium food. His diet of crappy, cheap cat food probably caused his pancreatitis.

I am excited to be going to Utah in 8 days for DJ and Marilyn's wedding. I am probably not as excited as they are, but still... yum-yum and I are going to be able to see and be seen.

map

2010-03-20T20:44:00.001-07:00

no rest for mama

2010-03-18T12:43:00.005-07:00

I know all of the internet is holding his or her breath waiting desperately for news about how my cat is doing. That's just how Kazi rolls.

I picked him up from the hospital Tuesday night and he has since eaten a little and used the potty... both signs that he is improving. He's still really weak, he lost A LOT of weight while he was sick and he looks like a supermodel. He mainly hangs out in bed, where we wait on him hand and foot, delivering special food or chicken broth (warmed, of course) antibiotics, and love. His incision is healing well, and it looks like he will get his stitches out on Wednesday. He'll be fine eventually, but right now, he sort of looks like he just had exploratory surgery. (Oh, right... he did.)

In other parts of life, I decided not to wait until Zola is 18 and I have stacks of stories and photos piling up in her blog and no time to compile them... so each weekend, I have been using the software from Blurb to create the layouts. That way, when the book is full, I can just upload it and order the hardbound copy online. It is already shaping up to be very cute!

Also, the quest for babysitting help is shaping up. Maybe I will be talking about the break we are getting from having help soon.

pain-crea-us titus

2010-03-12T23:22:00.004-07:00

So last night kazi started throwing up like crazy and foaming at the mouth, so I took him to the emergency room. They did a bunch of tests and found that he had a mass of gas in his upper intestines that indicated that nothing was moving through his system. This is really life threatening to cats.

The ER doctors thought that he might have swallowed a foreign object and recommended surgery that would have us out the door at over $6,000, without which he would need to be euthanized. We didn't really want to spend that much, since Kazi is a pretty old cat and doesn't have a long time left anyway. So we just took him home.

This morning, I called his regular vet and she said she would do his surgery for a fraction of the amount the ER quoted. So, I took him in. She did some x-rays to try to rule out an obstruction and found that his bowels were not passing anything through, so he went into surgery at 3:00 pm. She cut him open and found that his pancreas was swollen gignormous and was the cause of his intestines being blocked so she just sewed him back up without doing anything else and started a treatment for pancreaitis. He'll be in the hospital for a few days with an IV for fluids and medicine. His prognosis is still hard to guess. He had a pretty advanced and critical case so it may have done some permanent damage to his other organs. Or he could be perfectly fine once things get moving again.

For now, we are just hoping that he gets well. He's been a member of our family for 13 years and has been a force of love and companionship in our lives. I know that he has changed anti-cat people's opinions about cats by being awesome.

I was just saying (a few weeks ago) that we should get him pet health insurance since he is getting older. Well played, life. Well played.

Hip hippos baby booties

2010-03-10T22:12:00.001-07:00

Hip hippos baby booties
Originally uploaded by Jennifer Ladd handmade.

omg.

quick

2010-02-27T22:55:00.001-07:00

We drove to Arizona for a day to see Jennifer graduate with her class at Pima Medical Institute. CONGRATS, JENNIFER!!! We are so proud of her hard work and accomplishment. She got an unexpected special recognition for honors.

I also had to throw in some pics of the baby -- she looked so cute all dressed up for the event. Plus, that 70's jacket is new. LOVE.

pioneering

2010-02-20T15:34:00.002-07:00

As these first-time mom magic moments slip through my fingers, I realize that a few things are important: images and stories. You would think a scrapbooker would be an expert at storing these precious things away. But, I can't keep up with the diapers, nuzzling, AND the scrapbooking (who can?) So my temporary solution is to toss them down a hole and get back to them later. I am investing in photography equipment and taking as many high quality photos as I can as often as I can remember to pick up the camera. And I started a blog just for ZJ where I will tell the stories that I want to remember - with the idea that someday, I will slurp the blog and slap in the photos and publish it bound instead of trying to physically scrapbook it all myself. That way, she has a little journal of her baby stories - and so do I.... without consuming the effort that I could be using to love and hug and kiss her sweetness out of her.

If you are interested in the stories, her blog is here.

moouaah!

2010-02-14T18:21:00.002-07:00

Kisses to everyone this valentine's day. We don't really celebrate it. We go on a date, just like we do every week. Nothing crazy. No chocolates, flowers or special gifts. Our motto is "you don't need to do something one day a year if you are spreading it out through the whole year long."

It's been another busy weekend. Didn't realize that going back to work was going to mean so much household chaos on the weekends. Taxes, getting everything set for the week and doing damage control on all the stuff that got behind last week. I wore my little toad out playing peek-a-boo instead of maintaining the kitchen. Nothing is growing in there yet, so who cares. Being a full-time mom & a full-time pay-worker is quite a lot of tightrope walking. Dad's been stepping up a lot, but you know how that is. Dads don't always know that certain tasks even exist...

I took Z to JCPenney for her 3-month old photo sitting. She was SOOOO cute. I can't wait to share the images, but I didn't buy the thumbnails this time. You'll have to wait like I do. But, it will be worth it, Internet. Well worth it.

more pics

2010-02-13T20:17:00.003-07:00

New pics up on flickr. I basically just pulled all the pics off my mobile today. I had already posted some of them on FB, but here you go anyway. I'm pretty impressed with the quality of my mobile camera sometimes. Happy Valentines' Day.

Oh, and google "Divorce Cakes."

lights

2010-01-29T23:03:00.002-07:00

Stephanie's picture of Zoe from our trip to AZ makes me realize how amazing things are with a baby. Time feels like it literally freezes and simultaneously whizzes by -- and is tracked not by the clock, but by the little things zoe learns each day.

All babies love lights, and Zoe is no exception -- the Christmas tree drew this to our attention. So we took her to the Mesa LDS Temple to see the display one night, and the Phoenix Zoo-Lights display another. It was so fun to watch her captivated by the stuff. A few days after we returned to LA, at her 2 month doctors appt, her dr noticed that her neck was stiff and that she did not like to turn her face to the right... so when I got home, I dug out a strand of Christmas lights and hung them to the right of her swing. Sure enough, she looks right when they are plugged in.

She and I have been going on LONG walks every other day in the evening. She loves to see the street lights and car lights and it wears her out until she drifts off for a nap in my sling. I walk about 2 miles. I just Google-Mapped my distance. I thought it would be more :(

I hope to keep it up. I start back at work on Monday.

Oh, and me and my Legendary Husband are going out on a date Monday night with Scott to see Do-Make-Say-Think and have a sitter. Woot!

side-by-side with Marissa

2010-01-15T22:10:00.001-07:00

Eva sent me a pic of her daughter Marissa and I asked myself... when did Zoe where THAT shirt? Oh, it's not her. Ha ha. Apparently Zoe gets her features from Eva and her husband Roger... how did THAT happen?

facebook makes blog obsolete

2010-01-15T00:32:00.003-07:00

I hardly ever post here, because -- well... the title kind of says it all. I don't know if anyone reads this anymore. I have my doubts because I got a lot of haranguing about not showing and pictures of myself pregnant (which I did not share with the more public facebook crowd) that were readily available here.

Just in case I have internet audience that does not follow facebook, this is what has been going down since Mr. Walker Texas Ranger came around: burping, feeding, diapering, cleaning up messes that seem to appear out of nowhere due to too little space and too much baby gear, and the oft sought 3 hour nap.... repeat. My life feels a little monotone. Seriously. Kudos to you SHM's for your ability to thrive in this environment. Me? I need to go to work. I absolutely LOVE the hour or so that Zoe sleeps in my arms every day. And the fact that no one can soothe her better than me. However, the flip side of that is that I am the only one that can soothe her....

As we speak, I am taking a "day off" -- which means several contiguous hours of not being on call. I am on my second glass of wine. It took my one and a half hours to drink the first because the baby got too fussy for daddy to handle and it broke my heart, so I came out of retirement to help.

But back to small breaks in the monotony in the last couple of weeks... I have this plan to have Zoe's portait taken every month for her first year. The pictures above are for month 2. I need to invest about $100 and have a couple more professional shoots in order to be able to do the photography myself. (I watch what they do and get a pretty good idea of how to pose and set up the shots -- and Mark already has most of the equipment I need.)

May I recommend "Gran Torino" to anyone who has not watched it. I stayed away because I don't like car movies. It is NOT a car movie. Don't stay away. It is definitely going to win some oscars. (Mark just told me it was from last year and went up for best picture but didn't win... it got ROBBED!)

I am reading "Girlfriends Guide to Surviving the First Year of Motherhood" by Vicki Iovine. Very funny. I read it before Zoe was born and it really freaked me out; this was the most scary moment being pregnant. There are some things you just should not know before the baby is born that are easier to deal with when you are holding such a precious and amazing person in your arms -- but are insane to contemplate when you aren't. Now it is just seriously hilarious. So many things she says are just weirdly true. Like, how does she know that I only hold the baby up against my shoulder on the left side? I seriously CAN'T hold her on the right. I tried. It's not possible. Apparently that is universally true of all women. Who knew?

Anyhoo -- here we are. Our kiddo is 10 weeks old! I go back to work in two more weeks. Time really does fly.

dig this random post

2009-12-19T20:29:00.001-07:00

Chuck Norris: Putting the laughter in manslaughter since 1973.

4 or 13 depending on how you look at it

2009-12-16T18:52:00.003-07:00

The Man and I celebrate our many years together today -- with a big date. We got concert tickets (Zero 7 @ The Orpheum!), a babysitter (I <3 Ami), and off we go to enjoy (Dr. Sears says I can have a glass of wine!). I am very much looking forward to it. I thought I would not be excited to leave Zoe for a few hours, but I am so sleep-deprived and house-worn that I am looking forward to the break and reconnect with my lovie.

I have some very sad news that might be hard for some of you. So, sit down and grab a box of Kleenex. Our computer, Zero has passed on to the other realm. We were just browsing together the other day when he his chip just stopped. I tried to revive him, but his soul left in a pouf of smoke. We will miss him. It is never a good time to lose such a vital member of one's family. He was over 80 years old in computer years and had a good drive and just RAM out of juice. Funeral Services will be held Friday. We will cherish the back-up memories.

bow tie

2009-12-15T22:18:00.002-07:00

Stephanie sent me this picture comparing her mom's features as a baby to Zoe's. We are always postulating which features come from which genetic pool. Since her size comes from The Man's side for sure, it is not a surprise that we all think that there are more features that do... in particular the bow tie shaped lips.

Although for the record, The Man says that all babies look alike.

slideshow pics of z under 1 month

2009-12-14T12:52:00.000-07:00

pics of z

2009-12-13T19:42:00.004-07:00

After going back over some of these pictures, I can really tell how much our tiny person has grown. These are almost all from her first week of life. Her hands used to be wrinkly. How cute!

birth story -- part 2 (of 2)

2009-12-08T10:09:00.005-07:00

We took a little nap and relaxed watching Criminal Minds to pass the time while I labored under epidural. By midnight, I was dialated to 10 cm and fully effaced... so we thought a few more hours and we would have the baby... we were all so excited. I think the nurse was really annoyed with our "how much longer?" and "is the doctor coming now?" questions.

Waiting, waiting, waiting for what felt like forever. Finally, the nurse told us at 5:00 AM that Dr. Dwight was in the hospital to deliver another baby and would stop by to see how we were doing, and if possible deliver us at the same time.

When he arrived at 5:15 AM, he instructed Eva and Mark to each grab a foot and lean my legs into my chest while I tried to push a few times on each contraction. We get this effort started under the oversight of the nurses. At this point, I am using a little trigger that came with my epidural that upped the dose a little bit on command. It was not quite doing the full job of blocking the pressure. As time wore on with the pushing, it stopped working altogether... right when I needed it most. They said they couldn't give me any more. Sort of gives me the opportunity to see what a natural childbirth is like if you take a break from it in the middle.

From Eva's experience, the pushing part lasted about 15 minutes. Ha ha ha. Without the benefit of epidural anymore, I withdraw to my own universe in my head and all I know is push during contractions and relax fully when not in contractions. I lose track of time, who is in the room, what is going on around me, and even that there will be a baby at the end. All I know is pushing - or resting for energy to push. This was VERY hard work - I was pushing through the count of 10 three or four times per contraction, depending on the strength of the contraction, and then resting for sometimes less than a minute before going again.

I had asked Eva and Mark to give me some cheerleading like, "push, come on, you're doing great, keep going, push-push-push." We were hoping to have the baby at 8:07 AM -- so I could have 11/10/09 - 08:07 numerical significance. By 8:05, Eva sees the clock and starts coaching like she is on hyperdrive: "push-push-push-push-push-push-push-push-push-push-push-push-push" until I kick her in the shoulder and yell "NOT SO MUCH!" My inner dialogue was more like, "I appreciate your enthusiasm, but could you please give me NOT SO MUCH!" Still, I hope I didn't hurt her feelings (or her shoulder.) 8:07 AM came and went, and I still had a long way to go.

They had me try pushing sitting up and then going to my side - difficult because I still can't use my legs or abs due to remnant epidural. I had such a strong urge to push at this point that I couldn't have stopped if they forced me to. We returned to back-lying pushing with Eva and Mark helping. -- Oh, and Mark wanted to be behind my shoulder with the non-gory view of the whole thing.... But he was down on the business end and had to let me know if my pushes were effective or not. He was the first (besides the nurse) who got to see Zoe's shock of dark, long hair. He said he was really glad to have that view and to be a part of the whole thing.

Somewhere along the line, and I was sort of aware of it, this thing became an emergency situation. More nurses came and went, the doctor, who was dropping in periodically before was staying more often -- and called in another doctor to assist. Tables of surgical equipment were wheeled in "just in case" and more and more nurses... Eva said at one point there were six nurses helping the two doctors. I'm just in my own world, pushing or relaxing... focusing on what I can do and less what is going on around me.

People were shouting, "This is IT!" I could tell there was some scrambling. Stuff being moved out of the way and other stuff being brought in. They took off my hospital gown so I was totally naked except for the belly band holding the monitors in place. I heard someone say "in case of Shoulder Dystocia" when they introduced me to the other doctor. I can feel Zoe. Well, I'd been feeling her for a while, but I could definitely tell that she was getting close to crowning. I could REALLY feel her. I reached down and touched her head to give me some motivation to do what had to be done -- and I pushed. And pushed and pushed. Dr Dwight told me he needed to give me an episiotomy to help her come out. Just get her out of me. I was losing it a little bit. I didn't care if he cut my legs off if it would help end this.

He only had a few seconds between contractions to make the cut. I could feel the sting of the scissors and then the next contraction hit hard. Mona, you only have a few more pushes and the baby is going to come out, okay? So don't stop pushing... keep going even when the contraction ends. Try not to take a breath unless you need it. Push hard. It is no wonder that I didn't pass out. I didn't breath for a long time. I just pushed until I could push no longer and it felt like a terrible place to stop... Her head was delivered but her body wasn't. At least I could believe them when they said, "Just one more contraction and you'll have a baby."

9:57 AM

And there she was.

They threw her on my stomach and I looked down into my daughters eyes. She was magnificent. I had forgotten about her in all the hustle and flow.... and there she was. She gurgled and complained when they wiped her down and again when they suctioned her mouth. But mostly she lay quietly on my stomach, blinking thoughtfully at me, glancing around the room curiously.
Mark pulled out the camera and took a quick video of her first quiet moments: getting acquainted with us while the nurses did some quick checks of her and I. Dr Dwight was stitching me up at the time and then delivering the placenta. I hardly noticed all this because of the beautiful distraction laying before me. The nurses did not disturb our chance to bond for our first hour together. I took Zoe to the breast within about 15 minutes and she sucked pretty well right away. When we finally let the nurses take her to be weighed, measured and examined more fully, she weighed 9 lbs 9 oz and was 21 inches long. A big little girl. Our baby was finally here.

Just in time for Thanksgiving.

I am thankful for Dr. Dwight -- for letting me labor so hard for so long to have the baby without surgery. Surely another doctor would have given up on me sooner.

I am thankful for Eva -- for giving up more than a month with her family, Marissa's first lost tooth, Halloween, and so much more... to be with me during those moments, encouraging me "push-push-push" and then for tromping up at 3AM to burp and change the baby for me so I could go back to sleep. Without her, this would have been SO MUCH HARDER!

I am thankful for Mark -- for becoming a parent with me, for holding my leg and giving me ice chips on command, and for collaboration on the many, many challenges to come.

I am thankful for Mom -- for now I fully understand what you have given and the fullness of a mother's love.

17 hours of hard labor.
5 hours pre-epidural.
5 hours pushing.
1 unforgettable day: priceless.

Actually, I am pretty sure I will be getting a bill. But you know what I mean.

I have been holding posting this until I have a chance to go through pictures, but better something than nothing. So, I will post more pictures later.

birth story -- part 1

2009-11-15T15:35:00.004-07:00

This picture was taken just a few hours after she was born.
And this picture was taken the day we came home from the hospital.
At about 5:30 AM on Mon Nov 9, I started having nice even contractions that were tolerable but significantly different from the Braxton-Hicks ones I had been having. I am excited because we had an appointment for a scheduled induction for that evening at 10 PM and I really wanted to avoid inducing if possible and was agonizing over keeping the appointment or rescheduling it to give Zoe some extra time to start things on her own.

My first thought? We should go out to breakfast. Today might be a big day and we will need to fuel up... so off to Charlies, my favorite little diner in the Farmers Market for pancakes and hashbrowns. I had an appointment with my OB at 9:45 AM - from now on I am going to call him Dr. Awesome. Anyway, Dr. Awesome tells me that I should keep the appointment since it helps labor and delivery to know I am coming, since I AM definitely going to the hospital today. I am dialated to 3 cm. Mark goes to sleep so he can be rested for the big event and Eva and I promise to wake him up with plenty of time to shower and get bags ready before we have to go to the hospital.

By noon, my contractions are every 1/2 hour and Eva and I are walking up and down my streets trying to get things going a little faster so that we aren't going too slow by 10. For the most part, I can keep walking when a contraction hits, albeit slower and more steadily. By 3 PM, I have to stop walking and hold onto Eva's shoulder and contractions are 15 minutes apart.

We have worked out a system where I rate the pain on the contraction as C for comfortable, B for better and A for ahhhhouch. We both realized we might need something after that... At 5:53 PM I was sitting in my rocking chair with my shiatsu chair topper and a heat pack so relaxed that I was almost asleep when the biggest contraction so far hit. Maybe it was the context, but it was unbearable. That's when I uttered the first of only TWO cuss words during the whole labor & delivery. (I know, amazing right?) I walked directly into the computer and told Eva, "Blankety-Blank-Blank -- I'm getting the epidural." And I threw out my entire birth "plan" just like that. After that, it was very hard to figure out what position, technique, and rythm was going to help me cope. I did eventually settle in to taking loud, long breaths and tapping something (my leg, face, object nearby). When I became so demanding of Eva's support that contractions became hard to time, we woke Mark up. I'm guessing they were 5 minutes apart or less for about 1/2 hour. We called the doctor, who said, "go have your baby."

The drive to the hospital was not too bad. Just knowing that we were going made the contractions easier to cope with. When we got there, everything changed.

It took over an hour for "Mean Nurse" to check us into the hospital, botch an IV several times (during contractions), and hook us up to all the gear and monitors. When she checked my cervix, I was still dialated to 3 cm! All that work and nothing was different. I couldn't believe it. So, when they asked me whether I wanted my epidural now or later, I said "now." Thinking it would be a long while to dialate the rest of the way and I was coping okay, but just barely. It took another hour for the epidural to be administered. The nurse checked me right after they got the thing in and I was already at 6 cm. Wow! If I had known it was that close to fully dialated, I probably would have declined and said, "I got this far, I can do it without." Boy am I glad they checked after. I needed, needed, needed that rest to prepare for what was to come. The instant the medicine hit my spine -- I smiled and thought "I'm going to be able to enjoy having the baby today." I know this exactly because I actually wrote down my thoughts... I'm so glad I did because that really cracked me up later to read. Ahhhh, to be so naive now.

.... to be continued.

look what i made

2009-11-13T03:28:00.003-07:00

You may have already heard the news...

Zola Jane McCowen was born on Wednesday, Nov 10, 2009 at 9:57 a.m. weighing in at 9 lbs. 9 oz and 21 inches long. I will share a detailed birth story a little later on, but the short version is that it was very intense, long, and at times scary. Due to her size, it was a very close call on emergency cesearean, but I chose my doctor and labor companions well. I did opt for an epidural, but due to laboring for such a long time, it wore off almost entirely hours before she was born, so I still got to realize the emotional experience of something like natural childbirth. We gave her the name Zola after my grandmother on my mom's side, who I enjoyed corresponding by mail weekly with ever since I learned to write and until she passed. We will call her Zoe, pronounced with a hard "o" and hard "e" like Joey.

First of all, she and I are both recovering well. She tolerated the labor exceptionally well and just came out of the ordeal with some expected bruising and coning on her head - which is almost all gone now. She looks like she's a few weeks old instead of a newborn, with tons of hair, great pale skin, and nice proportions. From most angles she is really pretty (of course I think that.) My recovery is also going well. I feel like I just gave birth to a nearly 10 pound baby, but other than that, I'm doing pretty good. We were released from the hospital today around noon and have settled in at home pretty well. I even wrapped her up in a sling and went for a walk for a few blocks between feedings this evening.

We are getting to know her quirks and personality. I love her cry, which she doesn't use often so far. It's a little husky/raspy and she sounds like she could grow to have an amazing singing voice. She is really mild tempered so far. She doesn't like to have her diaper changed and she doesn't like to lay flat/still (but who would after being accustomed to being bounced around in the equivalent of a clothes washer for 10 months.) She loves hanging in a sling while I (or Eva) goes about our things. She is also a quick learner with breastfeeding and she definitely gets her appetite from me.

As much as I can see myself and Christensen traits in her face, I see much more McCowen. I think she gets a lot genetically from her dad. When I dig them out, I will post some side-by-side baby pics of Mark, Me and Zoe for some comparison.

This has been such a remarkable and emotional few days that are seriously and completely impressed forever into my memory and my heart. To quote The Man: "I can't stop looking at my daughter."

more pics

2009-11-13T03:25:00.001-07:00

month 10

2009-10-21T15:56:00.006-07:00

I can't believe our daughter is now full-term and could (technically) be born any day.

Evan, Eva and Brandy were here for the weekend. Evan and I spent the day running errands and going to the Pedersen Auto Museum on Saturday, which was a blast. Then Eva & Brandy arrived on Saturday night late and we had some adventures. A crazy guy tried to run Eva over and then smashed in her van window about 5 minutes after they got here over a parking space. The next day Brandy chatted up Mary-Louise Parker while she was walking her dogs across the street from my house (she lives on my block I think.) Then Brandy & Mark were extras on set for some filming of a TV show. My favorite was "An actuary, an accountant, and a attorney were sitting at a table..." jokes at lunch. Rarely does life provide so much laughter. I think it put me into labor a little bit. I had Tuesday off. Eva and Brandy came to my doctors' appointment and got to meet the other Mark in my life. He showed them the baby on ultrasound - we could only make out parts since she is so big... and listened to her strong heartbeat. He also checked me. Last week I was not really doing much, but this week he said that I am as ripe as a Trader Joe's Avocado and that my body does not have much laboring to do. My bishop's score was an 8 and I was 80% effaced (2 days ago.) I had been having a contraction every other day, sometimes every day. But the last few days it has gradually increased to several per day. Yesterday they got up to once per hour before subsiding overnight.

I made the difficult decision to opt out of my exam sitting. Yesterday was the last day for a refund and with all the contraction activity and my doctor saying he'd probably see me in a few days, I decided not to keep pushing so hard. So, I forfeighted the remaining study time and started my maternity leave today instead of waiting until after my exam/due date. It was too much to do and I need to take some time to rest. I came home today a few hours early and found myself exhaustedly out of breath just laying down on the couch. I think I did the right thing.

Especially since this morning I woke up with a powerful urge to move furniture around.

We got our delivery of cloth diapers from the service. They are so soft and cute all folded up. We are just going to do a 3-month trial to see how it goes because Mark is a little skeptical of how well they will work. I expect it to be just as convenient as disposibles (or more so) since they drop them off clean at your door and pick up the dirty each week and you just set out the pail on the day - no rinsing, no buying (they are rentals), and no losing your parking spot to run to the store. The technology has come a long way from rubber pants & pins.

Happy birthday Saturday to my Mom and yesterday to Brittany and Jennifer - who all celebrated milestone years (75, 16 and 29, respectively.) Just think, you were all conceived around Valentines Day. (Guess how I figured that out.)

Just think: next time I blog it will be to post pictures of my sweet little baby and give you the details of her birthday story. Incredible.

month 9

2009-10-09T09:46:00.007-07:00

It looks like I am arching my back to stick the tummy out, but I'm not. I PROMISE! That's just the screwy posture that I have to have to stay upright. I have now at 128% of my starting body weight and most of it is right out there in front.

My coworkers threw me a surprise baby shower disguised as a "cookie baking contest." I really love cookies -- and baking -- so this was a perfect way to trick me into attending (and catering my own event!) I got to judge the treats (sugar rush for Zoe) and award a winner. There were lots of generous gifts and everyone was there. It was really nice and almost intimidating to see how many people took the time from their workday to come down and congratulate me.

I still have a lot of things to do to prepare. I have my birth preferences written up, and I am in the process of putting together the hospital bag. I am putting together a phone list of who to call. Right now, we are only planning to call parents. We will post updates to facebook. But if you want more, maybe ask me and we will set up a phone tree.

Mark took a day off and we went off on a baby-moon this past weekend. You know, one final sweet adventure as a couple before we become three. We drove to Santa Barbara and Ojai and did the old-lady circuit of antique shops, craft tourism, and hotel chilling. We made some startlingly good food finds and enjoyed each other's company. It put a reboot on all the stress that has been building lately.

I have been having a few contractions every other day, nothing big. She has moved head down and has dropped about 2 inches. I feel there is still a few weeks to go, but definitely I can see the end of the road ahead. Her movements are no longer subtle bumps, but huge visible rolls across my tummy that anyone within 15 feet can see.

She is "full term." I have had a few interactions with her that make her feel less like an alien parasite and more like my little daughter. We played a conditional kicking game, and I was able to feel her little toes. She got her first case of the hiccups last weekend. She is really active in the car (Los Angeles roads are very bumpy.) And she kicks me almost everytime I rest my arms on her bump.

Physically, I still have a lot of prep to do, but mentally I am getting more and more ready for her to arrive every day. People have been so nice. I am surprised at how much gear, clothes, diapers, and blankets we have received. Thank you everyone!

month 8.5

2009-09-30T17:24:00.005-07:00

This is NOT our little baby, because we are too cheap to pay the $85 for a 4D ultrasound when we are within a month or so of meeting her face to face. But I just loved this picture when I saw it on a internet forum for women who are equally preg. I don't have a latest pic of me. Just imagine the last picture and add an inch. I've been feeling the stretch and enjoying the surreal realizations that HOLY CRAP this whole thing is BIGGER than me, deeper than I can imagine, and happening right now. It's been very emotional - in equal parts terrified stress and blissful happiness.

These last two weeks have been about trying to decide if we can afford to continue to live in Los Angeles once Zoe arrives, or if we have to move to somewhere with a lesser cost of living index. I think this has been one of the harder decisions we've had to make. We both love it here so much, it's hard to be objective. I can't say we are final on it. But we're close, I think.

We're keeping an eye on how low the placenta has shifted. I think the baby dropped today at 2:34 pm based on how painful and urgent that particular trip to the restroom was. I've had a few contractions now. The first one was last week. This week, I have gotten one or two when I lay down for bed here and there. I would like to labor naturally as long as I can, so I am doing a lot each day to prepare myself for that - as if preparing is even possible.

Mark realized that poop gets all over the babies butt and you have to wipe it off every time.

I played a poke each other game with Zoe's foot - I think she was responding because if I changed where I poked, she poked back in that spot. It was pretty amazing. Everything about this is pretty amazing.

2009-09-28T17:02:00.003-07:00

I have finished putting together our baby registry at:

All the big ticket items have been gifted or loaned along the way. I think we are down to needing mainly the stuff you don't know you need until you have the baby and learn about these things the hard way. I still managed to find a few things that I know we will use and enjoy.

Nancy came to town to visit over the weekend. We went shopping and of the stuff Nancy bought for Zoe, I just have to show you this really cute jogger set in size: "holy crap that's tiny." The hat has little ears. Fruit themed with ears. It just doesn't get any better than that.

mabon

2009-09-21T16:48:00.003-07:00

Tomorrow is the 2009 Autumn Equinox, first day of Autumn, the night and day stand equal. Celebrated as a harvest festival by the Celts, who honor the death of the sun god on this day of magic due to the rare balance of light and dark, they take time for thanks and learning, and repairing all things. For me, it will be Father's Day; the day I honor the memory of our family patriarch with some sentimental tradition. For the first several years, I planted a plant. But, since I don't have a green thumb, I found it too depressing when the plant subsequently "went to heaven." So, now I celebrate with best medium ever: FOOD. What is more synonymous with family and tradition than FOOD! Of course. And it doesn't go to heaven. It turns to poop, but we can ignore that part.

So the last few years, I have sought out an A&W and gotten a root beer freeze. This seems perfect, because it reminds me of all those trips in the big truck on Wednesday, passing the big mug and stopping in for some royal-named burger (Queen, King, etc) and a root beer freeze. It reminds me of dad's contagious smile, sweet tooth, and inner child. This year, like last year, I am going to make them at home. Partly because I still have some root beer left over from last year and largely because it lets me spend more time in the memory. It has been 15 years without the man. Hard to believe.

month eight

2009-09-09T23:19:00.002-07:00

I started getting the urge to spring clean out all the nooks and crannies of our home, purge all the unnecessary storage, and make some room for our baby gear. I've found a couple of drawers in the hall cabinet for Zoe's little adorable wardrobe and linens and have organized it with a drawer map, even. I'm designing and sewing a little plushie doll for Zoe as my creative outlet during breaks from studying for exams on the weekends.

I noticed my first stretchmarks this week and with it, some serious internal stretching pain. It feels like my abdominal walls are tearing apart and that the baby picks the weakest spot on the wall to kick... hard. I felt her knee this week. I think she's so big that I can feel her swirling even when she is sleeping. She moves almost constantly now. I started listening to my birth relaxation CDs and find that I sleep really well when I do. I also sleep more than I am awake now. I'm tired. The pregnancy hormones still make me a morning person and my exam study is going well thanks to that extra few hours of high productivity in the morning that I am trading for the low productivity evenings of falling asleep early.

I'm carb loading - potatoes sound lovely. Especially when mixed with something fatty like bacon and cheese. And there are so many wonderful ways to cook potatoes with bacon and cheese. Still eating a lot of fruit and taking walks daily. But, I've added cookies and second breakfast to the routine.

Eva has set a date for the Utah baby shower tentatively for the day before Thanksgiving. I should have some kind of registry set up soon for those who have been wondering out loud what we still need. I have finalized our travel arrangements to be there, so everyone in UT can look forward to snuggling that brand-spanking new nubbin.

flowery

2009-09-03T17:43:00.002-07:00

I just wanted to share the fabric that Mark picked to make the crib ruffle and bumper out of for Zoë. The pattern has such a nice deep contrast that I think it will be visually interesting for an infant -- and it is neither pink, purple, or "pastel" feeling. Target has some nice dark chocolate sheets that will look cute with this.

for sale

2009-09-02T17:06:00.005-07:00

My extended warranty expired and the suspension light just popped on when I hit a bump in the road, so I am now interested in selling my car.

2005 Scion xB - 78,000 Miles: ($8,500 As Is, $9,000 if I have fixed the cracked tail light, cracked windsheild, and suspension light issue prior to sale -- this is below blue book.) The car has been routinely maintained and I have all the receipts of service.

UPDATE: Regarding the suspension light, it came on after hitting a bump and Internet said that happens with Toyota's sometimes but that the computer will check again in 50 miles and reset if there is nothing wrong and it did. However, we are still interested in selling and still offering the same price. (OBO)

month seven

2009-08-09T21:47:00.005-07:00

Third trimester, here I come.

I'm having the most textbook pregnancy ever. This month was filled with a lot of running around making fun so I really tested my boundaries. I can still walk a lot, carry a lot, and generally do most everything I ever did. No, I'm not jumping on a skateboard or going to a wine testing, so you can relax. But, I continue to be pretty active and am taking my long walks at lunch and evening.

I put on more weight in my face, arms, hips, etc. In other words, that basketball I hoped to hide under my shirt is now an ephemeral hoop dream. I blame yogurtland. It's Pomegranete-raspberry tart wonderfulness is the final evil upon the world and will cause all humans to destroy one another eventually.

The little girl is now too large to do flips in my uterus and is getting so much stronger. You can see my tummy bounce when she is active. She likes to stick some appendage up under my ribcage and into my lungs from time to time. I can tell if she is sideways or up-and-down and am getting to know her daily rhythms. When she stretches while she rolls, it feels gives me a internal flesh-crawling sensation and you can totally see her butt jutting out in the asymmetry of my bump. She should be about 2.3 pounds and 15 inches long by now. I still crave more fresh veggies and fruits than anything else.

We are starting to make concrete arrangements to welcome this little life: staging all the things we will need, cleaning, gathering, sorting, washing and folding clothes and little finger sized socks. I started the registry, but had no idea how difficult it would be to figure out what to put on it. We have been gifted so much that only the things you need tons of or don't know you need until you need them are left: medicines, wipes, etc. It's hardly the sexy type of thing that people want to get for you. And I doubt anyone will give us round trip airfare to Denmark. But, that would be cool, wouldn't it? (They don't have it at the store I'm registering at, so I guess we'll have to think of something else.)

This whole thing still feels so unreal. It's just a really big step and is hard to process. I see a little baby in a stroller and either get all goofy-happy inside or start to hyperventilate. I think that when you have an awesome relationship with your spouse, it's hard to transition to being "three" without some concern about what you are giving up. I know that Mark and I approach everything with really realistic expectations, and that is the most crucial ingredient for satisfaction with outcomes. So, logically, I know. Everything. Will. Be. Okay.

I can't hear that enough. That and that my husband will still love me when I am a deflated lactating balloon with a wailing detachable Dictator.

puck stops here

2009-08-08T10:09:00.002-07:00

Everyone on our team passed their exams this past session so our VP took us out to Spago and I got to meet and shake hands with Wolfgang Puck, because he was there greeting some of the tables. The food was good, but I rarely opt to eat something that costs more than a hooker. After the lunch, I got to go home early, so yay for short Fridays.

Jennifer & Lindsey are still here and we are still rocking the fun. We had an awesome picnic at the Friday Night Jazz event at the Los Angeles Contemporary Museum of Art (LACMA) and walked through a few galleries. It was awesome. We capped the night hanging out with Scott & watching movies (well, technically, I crashed out, but that's what everyone else did.) It was lovely.

Praise Yogurtland frozen yogurt, and pomegranate raspberry tart flavor, in particular. Mmmmm.

three friends

2009-08-03T17:52:00.005-07:00

Jenn and her BFF Lindsey are visiting this week. We went to Malibu on Saturday and the Huntington Library Gardens on Sunday.

We enjoyed holding hands at the "Pavilion of the Three Friends" where the plaque read: "The 'Three Friends of the Cold Season' are plants that represent courage and unity during hardship. By remaining green all winter, the pine shows endurance. Bamboo embodies flexibility and strength. The plum tree flowers even during the harsh weather of early spring."

This place was several hundred acres of beautiful!

this blog has gone bgc

2009-07-29T17:29:00.002-07:00

(Breeding Grand Central.)

This is the awesome crib/mattress that I got over the weekend! It was a generous gift and we are BOTH anxious to put it together. It converts to a toddler bed, a twin with and without rails, and a nightstand and comes with the hamper liner, trundle drawer underneath, and changing pad liner.
I also went clearance shopping with Jennifer, who really knows how to work the sales racks / coupons. We totally hooked up with about 15 little ADORABLE name-brand outfits for our munchkin for under $35. Plus, I love to shop. And Jennifer loves to shop -- and might be even more excited about the baby than I am. And there is nothing cooler than having someone ELSE ask me - "Can we go check out those crib-bed-in-a-bag sets?" -- Um, I just wet my pants in excibriation (right after making up that word)!

month six

2009-07-18T09:58:00.006-07:00

I am feeling pretty good, considering my girth - a 14.0% increase at this two-thirds mark! The weight is the main thing at this point, as most of my other "symptoms" have subsided. Maybe at one point I will put together a growth chart. That seems like something I'd enjoy. I am no longer having very strong cravings, have a little more energy, and (like I said) feel pretty good.

I went to Houston for the 4th and we've been Summer-Fun-O-Rama-ing with Stephanie since I got back.

The baby has moved up (and out) some and is now prominently showcasing herself on top of my sciatic nerve. (Hasn't even been born yet and is already getting on my nerve.... ha ha.) The stretching of my body has passed a critical mass where my round ligaments are now loose as a goose and she can move about the cabin freely, as can I without pulling something. So we are both getting around better. I really enjoy my evening walks, which take the pressure off my pelvis after sitting all day at work and have been sleeping better. Stephanie got to be the first one to feel her movement from the outside last Wednesday. She is strong enough that if I'm crossing my arms, you can see them bouncing when she kicks them.

We are registered for child birth classes and have started making arrangements for her arrival. I got a few little teeny-tiny spring dresses and some ideas for some crafty goodness to enjoy to her benefit before she gets here.

Negotiations on her name are still technically open, and I think they will be until we are forced by the hospital staff to write something down. At which point, I'm 99% sure we will write down the only name we have considered up to this point. But, don't be surprised when the announcements go out if it's something else. These things happen. We're a crazy, spontaneous couple of kids. We might just go nuts and throw something else out there.

I haven't really thought much about things like a baby shower. The folks at work usually throw one, and that will probably be it. We'll probably be having an "after-birth party" (ha ha) in Utah around Thanksgiving so all the folks home for the holiday can meet her.

side-by-side

2009-07-15T06:35:00.002-07:00

I was hanging out with Brandi Hogan last week and we snapped a picture of our equally pregnant tum-tums. Love that photoshop...;) Anyway, I made Brandi scootch down to my height so that our bumps could be lined up. What you can tell is that my butt is five times bigger than hers (we knew that, right?) Fun times.

where did I put my nap?

2009-06-28T17:13:00.003-07:00

Mark wanted to know if he could strap the baby upside-down on his back in some kind of holster, and say "energize" and make the baby stiffen into a deadly weapon that he could draw by the ankel like a sword and fight crime with. I told him that infants are like dogs... you have to train them to do such complex tricks. If he can train her, I will personally buy him a holster with some fancy crime-fighting slogan leather-embossed on the front.

I've been making a routine of chai tea & long walks every evening. Saturday I started early, taking my tea & walk at 10 a.m. -- and walking farther than I intended, ending up at the mall. Needing to sit down & rest before the long walk home, I decided to see "My Sister's Keeper" which is based on a book that I have read... cried my hormone-ridden brain out. Good movie. I rarely say this, but the movie was better than the book.

When I got home at 6 p.m., Mark reminded me that we had tickets and had to leave in 30 minutes to go see "Explosions in the Sky", an instrumental post rock band that we missed last time they were in town. How did I forget this? I skipped ABBA to be able to see Explosions.

It was a great show and I never enjoyed slipping into bed and getting off my feet so much in my life. This morning was about recovering. I slept in, woke up, ate, and fell back to sleep. Now I'm playing catch up with myself to do all the weekend household business that piles up during the week. But, I took some time out to make Fried Green Tomatos for lunch. I was craving them so a lady at work picked them from her garden so I could fry them. It hit the spot, but now I'm paying for the greasiness. To distract myself from the heartburn, I'm watching Benjamin Button while I clean the house.

yodel lady who

2009-06-26T21:27:00.002-07:00

I really like yodeling.

If you do too (or even if you don't), watch this. Maybe it's the hormones, but it made me cry.

After watching this amazing kid yodel, I found these vocal tips on a yodeling fan site... Subject: Yodeling... How to get started

month five

2009-06-16T20:35:00.007-07:00

We made it to the half-way point and we're hanging in there.

I am now sleeping only on my left side, and hobbling in the popular Christensen fashion. I have really enjoyed me some (eg: my body weight in) potato salad & greek salad. I'm past the "craving" point where I-know-what-I-want-and-I-want-it-now and into the I-don't-know-what-I-want-but-I-want-it-now point.

I have read my 1 billionth baby/pregnancy book. I have freaked out on people. I have cried at nearly everything sweet. I have gotten really nuts about random things - like pet dander (don't you think we should shampoo the carpets RIGHT NOW at two in the morning?) and skin changes (see this red patch on my knee that looks like a rug rash? do you think it's cancer that can be passed to the baby?) And I hung up a sign at my desk to remind myself to breathe, because it is all so much to take in that I really need to periodically re-evaluate, take a nice long breath, and relax.

I have gained 16 pounds so far, which puts me on track to gain about 35. I am eating a lot of healthy smaller meals and walking a good distance two or three times a day. I haven't cancelled my gym membership, but I think it might be a good time to. I don't see myself really hitting the gym for another 10 months at this rate of exhaustion. I get winded after the first quarter mile of walking (okay, waddling -- slowly.) I can tell that some of that weight gain is definitely going to the baby, based on the strength of the kicks. They sort of feel more like kicks now and less like flutters. I have also reintroduced a single cup of coffee to my mornings. It hasn't hurt my bedtime, which is now 8:30 pm.

The straight-on face shot in an ultrasound looks like an alien monster. Somehow, we will love this klingon skeleton.

More ultrasounds confirm we are now 100% sure we are having a GIRL! Today we had the ultrasound where the doctor went through to check every detail & vital part of the baby's body. He pointed out the various parts of the brain, the four chambers of the heart, the aeorta, mitrochondrial valve, kidneys, belly button where the umbilical cord comes out, etc. It was really something. We thought it would be 3-D & show the blood flow, but it didn't. It was very reassuring, though. The doctor ruled out spina bifida, cleft palate, and a few other things. He thought that there was plenty of fluid around the baby. The placenta was placed well (in front of the baby) and my cervix was long & closed. I know this part must be important because he repeated it three times.

actual size

2009-06-11T17:45:00.003-07:00

This one is truly for you, fans. I personally am grossed out a little bit by my belly, especially in pictures taken with a flash. And so is Mark. So I apologize if you were one of the minions of my fans who begged for this. If you lose your appetite, don't say I didn't warn you.

Anyway. Mark was having a hard time visualizing the garden vegetable that is used week by week to demostrate the baby's typical growth. So I sketched out the measurements for him. It looked really big on paper, compared to the avocado or even snow pea of what seems like yesterday. So, to get a feel for the actual size in comparison with my tum-tum growth, I sketched it on.

Keep in mind that the rest of that bump contains my displaced bladder, stomach, intestines, and other smashed up organs - not just baby and amniotic fluid. It definitely looks a lot smaller on that now showing bump.

As you can also see, the baby's eyes are too close together. No, I have not been drinking. I'm blaming Mark's genetic code for that.

In a related note, I am reading the "give it to you straight" birth stuff that is usually glossed over in pregnancy books in order to keep you from trying to squeeze the baby out your nose to avoid. Bad idea. I should have stuck to catalogs.

Also, Wii Super Paper Mario rocks. Go buy it (used) and talk to me when you come out of your crack-a-thon in a month.

belt buckle and groin of america

2009-06-02T06:11:00.005-07:00

What you see behind me is the belt-buckle of middle america. We liked St. Louis so much more than we expected to. They had Hardees and White Castle and protesters at the local planned parenthood and a disproportionate amount of overweight people (I could be heard telling Mark, "this is nothing. Just wait until we get to Texas.")

Josh and Anna's wedding extravaganza was beautiful, opulent, and over the top. We ate and drank well. (No, of course I did not embibe. What? You think I want a baby with eyes too far apart?) Probably the best part for me was chilling with Nick and Tanya at the Botanical Garden.

On to Texas... Hanging with McBro and Evan. So good to see those guys. We did way too much and a lot of nothing. Another botanical garden, a trip to Galveston Island to see the hurricane damage, take a Duck Tour of the downtown & bay, tour the police station and jail where McBro works, Nasa Space Center, and lots and lots of driveway chillin, barbequeing, and delicious food. No one can ever claim to be a better cook than Kim. I'm sorry. That chick has a monopoly on the title "best ever."

This is Nasa.

This is port-side on the Duck. I have a fetish for boats on vacation, so I am seriously elated in this picture for getting Mark on the water.

There is my little bump. I think it really started to pop out on this trip, because when I got home, I had only two shirts that could still conceal it. I guess it's safe to assume that it no longer looks like a failed diet.

Once swaddled safely back into my own bed, I slept 15 hours and then 10 hours the next day. Ah, the vacation after the vacation. My body was tired, but my mind was so relaxed.

I bought a maternity swim suit so I can feel the precious sense of weightlessness next time I go to the gym... which has been a weekly on Sunday routine for the past few weeks. I'm looking forward to trying it out. The heaviness is surprising (compared to what I expected this early on.)

In related news, I almost threw a pepperocini in my mouth and washed it down with chocolate milk. It sounded awesome. Luckily, somewhere between the refridgerator and my mouth, sanity kicked in just in time to stop me. Thank God.

weekend wonderful

2009-05-19T16:00:00.003-07:00

We took a quick trip up the coast overnight and got a hotel in Morro Bay outside San Luis Obispo. It was so relaxing and incredible to be able to spend so much time with my husband.

We had some nice conversations on the scenic drive, saw some vineyards, and stopped for chocolate milkshakes.

This little country restaurant was so good that we went there for BOTH dinner the night we arrived AND breakfast the day we departed. I bet they have other good restaurants, but we obviously don't care. I ordered the meat loaf sandwich and Mark thought it sounded nasty... and then heartily helped me eat it. It was amazing.

This beach was walking distance from our hotel. I walked down while Mark took a nap the first day and we went together the morning we left... and that time, there was so much beautiful fog that you couldn't see the haystack at all. It was a nice, kind of isolated beach. I found FOUR perfect sand dollars just laying on the beach within 5 feet of each other. A great place for treasure hunting.

month four

2009-05-14T17:14:00.010-07:00

I'm sure, Internet, you are thrilled to find out about the sex of the baby. So I must divulge. I'm sure you are just dying in anticipation. But first, let me just say how things have been going.

All downhill... for now. This month has been such a piece of cake. I am rounding out a little bit, with my muffin top growing at proportionally the same rate of speed as my bump so as to just make me look generally round... no basketball shoplifting over here.

I am eating every two hours by mandate of my body... although with the whole muffin top observation, I have started writing everything down so that I will be tempted to pick up "apple" instead of "potato chips."

Here are some random items that I have craved:

Fish Tacos from Rubios

Dill Pickles

Salt on everything

Anything w/ Italian tomato-based sauce (lasagna, spagetti, pizza, etc)

Salt & Vinegar Chips

Potatoes (instant mashed makes a quick snack)

Sandwiches with everything.

Avocado

Garlic Bread

Jalapenos

Anyhoo, listed like that -- it does seem to have a pattern: tangy carbs. Mmmm. Tangy. Carbs. Apples just aren't tangy carbs.

I am still looking pretty good. No crazy complexion/pigmentation issues. No swollen limbs. No hair falling out. Pretty much, if it weren't for the failed diet hiding in my shirt, you'd never know. I'd know. It's hard not to notice the change in blood pressure everytime I shift position, the weird sensations, dizziness, headache, etc. Plus, I've started feeling the baby rolling around sometimes when I sit still. It still feels a little like a tummy rumble, but in the wrong place for my stomach. Granted, my stomach HAS moved... up in my ribcage. And those rumbles kind of freak me out because it feels like a heart attack. This has been the month of figuring how how in the hay we're going to pay for everything. I think I have us sorted a little bit. Surely there will be some surprises. But, at least we have a plan.

Speaking of surprises, some people would rather not know the sex before the baby is born. Not us. We had to know. Our doctor is 90% sure we are having a... click here to find out.

wow - wow - wow - wow - wow

2009-05-08T11:09:00.003-07:00

The greater the failure on the road to success, the sweeter the reward. I am gleaming, beaming, realing, crying, flying, soaring, swelling, proud of myself. I have PASSED Exam 2 (of 9) on my fourth attempt. As is my custom, I will post my actual score when I get it in eight weeks.

There are not a lot of opportunities in one's life that truely confirm your own awesomeness. Whenever I get one, I try to gloat, posture, and trip over my own fabulousness as much as possible. Because for a short time, no one can argue that I really am kick butt.

Ah, happy, happy, joy, joy.

exam season's greatest hits

2009-05-03T13:59:00.003-07:00

I am up to 3-4 hours per day of study. This is what I should always be doing, but I usually fizzle out at the 2 hour mark. I guess the 2nd trimester and the reintroduction of coffee has really improved my focus. (Don't worry, I'm only having one 1/2 decaf cup and my doctor says it's okay.)

The last few weeks have been a bit crazy... as always is the case as the exam approaches (next Thurs for anyone curious.) I have continued, as is my custom, to have a life. I just don't take as much care in documenting it as I normally would. I don't have any pictures from my "girls' night" at Mamma Mia! (on stage.) The music and costumes were great, but (and I can't believe the blasphemy of this statement) the movie was better.

The same weekend, I went to the circus for the first time, ever. It was small, but having nothing to compare it to, I was the most value for $10 I've had in a long, long time. A little of everything, and plenty of "akkk - don't die!" moments.

A highlight is that right after the show, Madhuri gave me a big bag of these maternity clothes.... pretty much everything I will need. Study, study, study and fast forward to last weekend... my BFF in college, Tiffany (who now lives 2 hours away in the desert) came, picked me up, and I had a weekend vacation on her turf. She took me for a day trip to Lake Isabella and a quaint town called Kernville where we shopped in some antique stores, got lunch and visited an old museum.

We spent a lot of time catching up on three years time, just hanging out at her place. We also got a drive through tour of the Naval base that she has been working at for the past couple of years as a civilian mathematician for the DOD. Then she drove me back to town and we caught a few hours at the Page Natural History Museum (Tar Pits) which I found out I get free admission through my work! You can look into the area where they are cleaning a big find, including a well preserved columbian mammoth. The tusk is longer than I am tall, I think.

As far as the whole preggers thing goes, I feel significantly better... appetite, energy, etc. Still wouldn't characterize any part of my life as "normal" -- but I can handle this part. I am infinitely greatful for the massage chair topper I got for christmas. I am trying not to think about everything too much (study, study) for now, which is hard. I let myself read a bit today and while sitting very still reading, I felt something. A flutter. Not gas. A flutter! It's early but within the range of plausibility - I think I felt the baby move! Wow. Still no pic of the bump to share. It just feels like the pizza and burritos I was once able to 'suck in' is now sitting out several inches - and who wants to see that? I know, fans. You do. Trust me. No one wants me to be a cute pregnant more than I do. But, you know not everyone has a cute little bump. I want to be one of those ladies who is normal from the back and then she turns around and you think - "wow... she's smuggling a basketball... I wasn't expecting that." But, I'm pretty sure that I'm going to swell up everywhere (given the current disappearance of my waist from every angle.) Don't worry. I will definitely post a pic - but let's just let it get it past the point of being mis-identified as a failed diet/exercise plan first.

Study, study, etc. Now you are all caught up to date and I should go study some more.

month three

2009-04-18T17:29:00.003-07:00

We're still splitting hairs about how my estimated due date. Regardless of whether it is Nov 2, 4, 7, or 9... the title of the post puts this a few days early. But, you don't care. Right, fans?

Look at that thumb sucker up there. The head is left, highlights are forehead, nose, and jaw. You can see the bones of the individual fingers - 7 of them... (we got excited for a famous pianist until it occurred to us that it is probably the overlap of two hands) the spine and pelvis. The darker spot in the chest is the heart, which again I got to see flickering away. I kind of thought it was a pretty good picture.

Everyone is wondering... it's too early to determine the sex. We will try to see on ultrasound next month. We're crossing our fingers for a girl (hemophilia being the only factor) but we will be happy no matter what.

At the beginning of this month, I felt more pregnant than ever! Symptoms, symptoms, symptoms. But toward the end, I can tell that I'm turning the 1st trimester corner and starting to feel a tiny bit better. I still feel like the smallest trivial task leaves me ready for a nap (I have to lay down for a few minutes after getting breakfast & a shower in the morning before work.) Based on taste tests, I think my body's aversion to some of my favorite foods may be moving on.

We went to San Diego last week and (due to constant napping) I had not clean clothes to pack. So, I tried on the maternity pants that my friend had given to me... thinking they would drown me. Ahhhh. The relaxed waist band. The most amazing invention of all time. It made me realize how tight my clothes have become... and that I'm ready for that awkward stage where I have to choose between hoping no one notices my pants are not even zipped at all or constantly hiking up my maternity pants. Since I have a pair of work appropriate maternity pants, I went that route this week.

In San Diego we walked A LOT. Everyone says walking is the best pregnant exercise. However, toward mid-day, my tummy feel a "not-right" pulling feeling that made me decide it was time to go to our beach hotel and lay on the sand for the rest of the day. (yay! for beach hotels.) I called my doctor when we got home because I kept having the feeling whenever I walk at all. He assured me that everything else sounded fine and that I might have pulled a muscle. I opted to wait until my regular appointment on Friday to get it checked, because it didn't "hurt" -- it just worried me. I even went home from work early one day to rest. At the appt, my doctor again impressed me with how awesome he is. He actually read my chart before coming in to see me / remembered that I was the one who called. He said everything was FINE, but that I will keep having the pulling. It's probably the weight of my uterus pressing on scar tissue on my ovary from my old surgery. No big deal. And it shouldn't effect our travel plans in late May - St. Louis for Josh's wedding / Houston to see McKay.

first couple months

2009-04-15T11:43:00.003-07:00

Ya'll may have already seen this picture on Facebook, but here is the 1st ultrasound at 7 weeks. Now that the secret is out, I will catch everyone up and then post monthly updates on how things are going.

Month 1: We found out. Early-ish because we were trying. I did not do anything crazy to tell Mark. I just called him at work at 6:30 am and said "I'm pregnant." He was really excited! He turned to his friend Gabe and said, "DUDE! MY WIFE IS PREGNANT!!!" Wow. I did some research on my health insurance and found Dr. Right. Google, you really do have everything. I was already taking prenatals and trying to eat healthy, so the only thing that changed was the freaky stuff happening to my body: FATIQUE, a bunch of bloody noses, weird circulation sensations, and eventually perpetual nausea. Regarding cravings, mexican food (which Mark would argue has nothing to do with the pregnancy,) chocolate milk, and saltine crackers.

I took a profile picture of my tummy -- sucking in, so I don't start out already looking a few months pregnant. But, lets be realistic. I had a pizza and burritos stockpile sufficient for someone to suggest I was already "showing." That picture will go to the grave with me. Sorry, fan base.

Month 2: This went by fast, despite the fact that I could have vomited on you at any moment. I got really picky about foods because the only time I actually threw up was when I put the wrong thing in. I rarely even got to swallow it. It and everything in my stomach would go. Mark had enormous fun talking about runny eggs everytime I went a little green. Thanks for your support, hon. You're the greatest.

My schedule got all out of whack. I would sleep from dinner to morning, study during my best energy times, work for a few hours, nap at lunch, and then work a few more hours and go home to eat and pass out again. If I didn't call you, I'm sorry. I probably fell asleep. Ironically, WITHOUT COFFEE, I became a morning person (I already hate the baby.)

Month 3 ends in 8 days, so I will post that later.

it's in there

2009-04-07T16:07:00.003-07:00

nonsense

2009-03-18T18:41:00.005-07:00

Kazi is always wheezing and coughing, and we are already convinced that he smokes at least a pack a day of cigarettes. But after this well timed snap, I have to wonder... Should I buy one of those home drug tests to see what drugs he's smoking? He does throw up a lot, too. What drugs make you wheeze AND throw up?

termites

2009-03-07T15:23:00.003-07:00

...Ate the piano that someone freecycled me, so I did not pick it up. It's better this way. I can't play when Mark's asleep, we have no where to put it, and it was going to need some costly repair anyway. So, sometime we'll get a keyboard that I can wear headphones to play, shove under the bed with everything else, and get a warranty for. Ah the bliss of being practical.

In the meantime, I'm feeling pretty good. Things are moving steadily along, if you know what I mean. [Insert the standard comment about being busy here.] Hopefully I will get to study more soon. But, I talked to my VP about how I can't be held accountable if they don't give me ample time to study and he pulled some strings so I won't get in trouble if I fail if I can't take my paid study hours from work. However, there is still time to catch up and pass. My exam is not until early May. Hopefully I will have some good news to share then.

square root of 3 day

2009-03-03T18:29:00.005-07:00

It is the square root of 3 day (3*3=9... 03/03/2009 for those of you who had to have it spelled out for ya!)

It is also FAVORITE LITTLE BROTHER'S ANNIVERSARY OF COMING INTO EXISTENCE!!! Do-Howdy for pinching him out, mom. He has been a never-ending joy and one-man soap opera for Thursday years.

In other news, Facebook is slowing taking over my life. Soon, I will have no use for this blog. Just kidding. Get real! ME? "Bringing You Square Root Of Two Goodness Since 2005." We've come too far together to give up this relationship over some new sexy fling with Facebook. In internet terms, we're seasoned professionals.

As you may have guessed, I've been spending a lot of time trying to find excuses not to study, hanging w/ The Man, and trying to take better care of myself. You know how it goes. Put yourself last for too long and suddenly you realize you're almost out of plastic grocery bags to change the cat litter with, there's no room in the trash for the pizza box, and you're out of paper plates. Mmmm, pizza.

But, you've really let things slide. And despite the forthcoming tremendous refund you are expecting due to accidently paying an extra $300 per month in taxes all last year, I still haven't finished filing them - and it's not like I haven't already bought TurboTax and walked through all the steps. I just have to print and sign them, and it's taken me two weeks!

Oh, and someone Freecycled me a piano. A PIANO! How awesome is that? I think it needs some cosmetic repair, but I'll post pics after we pick it up tomorrow.